No One Cares If You Have Been Sexual Assaulted
Me Too. Time’s Up. Amazing movements that offer support and will better the lives of many women, but they are misleading. No one cares about sexual assault survivors. I know that seems a bit harsh, but it is a true statement.
It’s been made clear. No one cares.
Rape Kits Don’t Get Tested
Decades of untested rape kits, all over the country never get tested. Imagine if every violent crime, every murder, just didn’t get investigated because no one thought it was important enough or believed the victim.
Rape Culture is a Thing
Rape jokes are not funny, but that doesn’t keep people from making them. They normalize rape culture and laugh in the face of consent. It’s violence as a punchline.
Yes, The World is Against You
Your president, the supreme court, the justice department… you name it. They all work against you. All educational institutions, our employer, even your church are more concerned with protecting themselves against you than protecting you.
The police? They are disgusted by you. In fact, they may put you in jail for reporting.
Being Black Only Makes it Worse
Some of the people our culture values most can attack black women without fear of punishment.
Chris Brown, R Kelly… Proof a person can do anything they want to a black woman or girl and people will still worship them.
No One Believes You
If you say anything, and I mean anything you are a liar. You are a gold digger, you’re jealous, you are crazy. That means you deserve every terrible thing that happens to you.
You could have video, audio, witnesses, and documentation and still, it won’t matter. No one cares.
You Have No Friends And No Family
Suddenly, when it comes to your friends you have to make a choice.
If you make them choose between you and your rapist they will hate you. If you stay their friend, you hate yourself.
Everyone gets tired of your trauma eventually. You will be asked to forget it and move on. You will try to explain how hard that is to do, they will become angry with you and abandon you anyway.
It Becomes a Weapon to Be Used Against You.
You will spend the rest of your life defending yourself, because of what someone did to you.
It becomes the weapon used by anyone that doesn’t like you or wants to hurt you. Forever.
Anytime someone wants to manipulate you, belittle you, control, or discredit you, they will use it against you. You will be called crazy, a slut, weird… the gaslighting will never stop. Ever.
Soon you are sitting in your bosses office trying to explain why the rape joke your co-worker, (who know you are a survivor) sends you upsets you. They look at you like you are dirt. They are offended. They try to find a way to discredit you.
Even friends will say you are crazy or have PTSD if you disagree with them. They will call you names, threaten to accuse you of things if you ask for money they owe you, or they become jealous.
You could have video, audio, witnesses, and documentation and still, it won’t matter. No one cares.
Now What?
Okay, now we have faced this major feminist lie that all you have to do is a demand to be treated fairly and with empathy. Now, the real work can begin.
The Real Question is This:
How do we get people who don’t care about sexual assault survivors to actually care about sexual assault survivors?
The Answer is This:
You can’t make anyone care if they lack compassion, empathy, or they benefit from your suffering and silence.
No one cares about your suffering, no one is going to believe you, no one is going to do anything to help you.
Who Cares If They Believe
Give up on winning “hearts and minds.” Stop begging for people to believe you. They won’t. Stop asking for support or justice. They are not going to give it to you.
You don’t have to believe to investigate carefully.
You don’t need to believe to test a rape kit.
No one needs to believe you to treat you fairly and follow policies and laws.
It’s up to us to get things done, to do whatever it takes to be heard.“Me, too” is about letting people know they are not alone. “Time’s up,” says women are fed up and its time to do something. What anyone believes doesn’t have a damn thing to do with it.
