The Spirit of Louise de Marillac Within

How Saint Louise de Marillac assured me that I made the right choice in picking DePaul as the place I would spend four years of my life growing.

I was born and raised in Columbus, Ohio, and it happens to be my favorite place in the world. When I think of Columbus, I think of home, I think of family, I think of happiness. I think about all the amazing memories and experiences that helped mold me into the person that I desperately wanted to be. I remember when the time came for me to start looking at colleges and I was dead set on going to Denison University, which is 45 minutes away from my house. The thought of moving away from home and everything that I knew terrified me. Just how I was dead set on staying in Ohio, my parents were dead set on me moving away. A high school friend encouraged me to look at DePaul because she felt like it would be a really good fit for me. After a lot of discussion, my mom and I finally made the six hour drive from Columbus to Chicago to visit DePaul as well as Loyola and Northwestern. Initially my thought process was “Okay, we’re going to do this just so that people stop trying to convince me to visit,” but that thought process quickly changed.

I remember stepping on DePaul’s campus and feeling something that I had not felt on any college campus that I had visited thus far, and that feeling was comfort. I cannot even verbally pinpoint one specific thing, person, or place that made my visit to DePaul so great. All I know is that I just had this overwhelming feeling of “this is it, this is your new home”. I loved how the campus seemed like its own community in the middle of a huge city, how I saw so many different types of people, and how the schools mission was rooted in Vincentian values. Even though I did not grow up Catholic, many of the Vincentian values that were preached throughout the tour resonated with me, to the point that I felt like DePaul would be the place where I would spend four years of my life growing even more. The schools commitment to social justice, inclusiveness, innovation, education, and empowerment were things that I was committed to and I felt like DePaul would help me grow in those commitments.

My first year at DePaul was really hard for me trying to balance school and being away from home for an extended period of time for the first time in my life. I was not a part of any on-campus organizations, I barely traveled into the city, and the only people I knew were my roommates and suitemates. All the big dreams and hopes that I had coming into DePaul seemed to dissipate and I found myself constantly questioning if I made the right decision and wondering where that feeling of “comfort” went. It took me a whole school year, a summer break, and an attempt to transfer back home to Ohio State, to realize that the reason the feeling of comfort was gone was because I lost myself in all the academics and longing for what used to be. I vowed that when school picked back up in the fall, that I was going to begin to do things that made me feel like me again, things that spoke to my core values and commitments, and things that challenged me. My sophomore year I joined DePaul Gospel Choir, Fun’Divine Dance group, Black Student Union, and DePals. They were four small strides in trying to find myself and remember why I was sure that DePaul was the right place to call home for four years. I began to put myself out there, meet new people, explore the city, and participate in on campus political demonstrations. Slowly but surely I saw glimpses of the old Gabrielle begin to appear and that was enough motivation for me to keep pushing.

I remember my first Meet me at the Mission event, which was at an Italian restaurant nearby, and involved having dinner and discussion with some of the Father’s. I left feeling invigorated and ready to take on new challenges and social missions. At subsequent Meet me at the Mission events I learned about Saint Vincent de Paul and Saint Louise de Marillac, but Louise really spoke to me because I saw a lot of herself in myself. I too was raised around affluence but did not have any personally, I was afforded the opportunity to get a great education via scholarship, and I have a passion for giving a voice to people who do not have one. Louise’s work with the poor parallels a lot of the work that I do with advocating for prisoners, all in an effort to tackle the main question “what must be done”. For me, I began to notice that society had completely given up on prisoners, and that did not sit well with me. I have always been passionate about fighting against mass incarceration and the “New Jim Crow”, because I could not stand the thought of people high up in society justifying the enslavement of mostly black and brown bodies in the name of “justice”, which really meant profits. Back home, I worked with my church to reintroduce men in county jail to the Lord, and now I am in an Inside-Out class at Stateville. The class is hard on me emotionally, but the reward of giving the insiders a voice is more than rewarding. We have worked to get voting rights for insiders, to reinstate parole, and create bills and policies that the insiders want to see come to fruition, all in an effort to see systematic change. The experience has been a beautiful one and has motivated me to continue to fight for them, because it is clear that very few are willing to do so.

There have been very discouraging moments, but I think back to what I learned from Louise and I keep pushing forward. There will be times where I am tested, where people will think that I am crazy, where people will question my authority because I am black and female, and where I will want to give up. But knowing that people are counting on me, keeps my eyes on the prize. I do not fight for the voiceless, because I want recognition, I do it because it is who I am. I am a fighter who cares, and who wants to see everyone prosper, especially those who society has deemed “unworthy”. I feel like Louise was the same way. We both lead from within the pack, not from the front. She has taught me the importance of making the fight about the person I am fighting for and not about myself. She has taught me the importance of getting in there and getting my hands dirty, without being afraid of the consequences. I remember hearing a story about Louise having an “iron fist in a velvet glove”, and that is a mantra to live by. To be an effective leader you have to stand firm in your beliefs and convictions, because people will constantly be challenging you and making you question what you are fighting for. As a leader you also have to have a heart and a sensitivity to reach those who you are fighting for and empowering.

Aside from working with insiders, I also peer mentor freshman and first generation college students through the STARS peer mentoring program, volunteer at a home for adults with mental and physical disabilities through DePals, and participate in community service projects throughout Chicago through my sorority Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc. All of those, plus my involvement in choir and dance has helped me grow over the past four years and I credit that to DePaul and its Vincentian values. Being surrounded by people embodying the spirit of people like Saint Vincent de Paul and Saint Louise de Marillac encourage me to do the same, even when the going gets tough. My time here at DePaul was almost cut short when I lost my way freshman year, but I am happy that I stuck it out because I am a better person for it. My volunteer work and advocacy in this large, diverse city has opened my mind, encouraged me to take risks, empowered me to speak my truth, fight for systematic change, and to dream big. I know for a fact that I am not the same shy freshman, terrified of the world and her own strength. DePaul and its Vincentian values has helped me grow further into the woman that I want to be, which is a woman that is strong, confident, fearless, and a woman who will stop at nothing to make sure that the voiceless and the people who society has pushed under the rug get heard. The fact that I have made strides to become that woman in full assures me that stepping out on faith and picking DePaul as my home for four years was the best decision. I cannot wait to see what the next four years has in store for me and my journey.