Bro Bibles: Our Summer Reading List of Books You Should Absolutely Never Read

Greetings and welcome to the landing page for Bro Bibles, our weekly series in which staff writer Miles Klee—who in addition to being MEL’s Shit-Poster-in-Chief is an actual novelist—ruins his summer by reading the books your worst ex-boyfriend holds dear to his heart.

It’s our hope that by engaging with these often problematic and rarely rewarding texts, Klee will save everybody else the trouble — and perhaps learn why they’re so popular among his cursed gender. And more importantly, he will prevent you from ruining your hard-earned vacation (or at the very least, your beach reading) with the tomes below.

So leave them unopened and buried on the clearance rack at your last remaining Barnes & Noble—which is exactly where they belong.

Our Summer Do-Not-Read List (Thus Far*):

• 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson

We Get The Daddies We Deserve

• Women by Charles Bukowski

What to Save From a Garbage Fire

• Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari

Pickup Artistry for Nice Guys™

• The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

The Unbearable Dudeliness of Quests

• Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson

The Myth of the Eccentric Genius

• I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max

Remembrance of Things Past

• She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring A Woman by Ian Kerner

The Pussy Whisperer

• Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

The Beating Path

• Birthday Letters by Ted Hughes

Last Words of the Broet Laureate

*Look for new entries every Monday through Labor Day.