Skinning Florida’s Python Problem, the Pigs of Personal Finance and Justin Bieber, Wife Guy

I’ve always stood by the idea that “Florida Man” is a myth, perpetuated solely by the fact that Florida has open public-record laws. But there is something chaotic about Florida (and here, I’m speaking as someone who lived there for four years, and has dated someone born and raised in Miami for five).

For instance — and I’m not sure if you knew this — but the dong-shaped state has a massive massive-python problem. No, I’m not talking about its citizen’s penises, I’m talking about the giant Burmese pythons that are eating every pet in sight. It’s that damn heat that keeps them there, and probably what also makes people do all the crazy shit of the “Florida Man” legend, too.

So maybe there is something to it after all.

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Magdalene Taylor is an editorial assistant and contributor at MEL. She loves Korn, Juggalos, and being a dumb bitch. She lives in LA but is from God’s country, Western Massachusetts.