The Taut-Ass Coefficient, A History of the Members Only Jacket and the Dark Crimes of the Hamburglar

Allow me to rock your world: This week we learned that the “tautness” of an ass has nothing to do with whether or not you could bounce a quarter off of it. In fact, it’s funny that an ass you “could bounce a quarter off of” was ever used to describe a great butt, considering that phrase originally described tightly made military beds. What one has to do with the other I’ll never know. Besides, these days everyone loves a fat ass!

In any case, it’s nice to know that you can be carrying a semi-truck behind you, and a quarter will likely still bounce off it if you really tried.

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Magdalene Taylor is an editorial assistant and contributor at MEL. She loves Korn, Juggalos, and being a dumb bitch. She lives in LA but is from God’s country, Western Massachusetts.