Coaching with Intention
This piece is going to be all about personal coaching.
tldr; Coaching is great. Do it.
I started my journey with personal coaching in 2021 when I was dealing with a really challenging work situation. It was one of those situations that never left me. I woke up thinking about it, I ate breakfast thinking about it, it woke me up in the middle of the night thinking about it. It was bad.
What made it so bad for me is that it took me out of my character on a regular basis and I couldn’t figure out how navigate it while still being authentic to who I was. Aka I couldn’t just smile, be fake and agree with the dumb shit that I was confronted with on a daily basis.
So, very similar to my entry into therapy, I realized I needed help because I couldn’t see a path forward and the alternative of struggling everyday was no longer an option for me. I needed me back.
So I scheduled my first session with BetterUp and never looked back!
Why coaching was helpful to me
I say that coaching has been truly transformative because it helped me tackle things on a few different levels.
- It helped me define my personal values. The values that I now use in every situation to help me determine whether this is something that is aligned to me and what I want in life.
- It helped me articulate what I wanted out of my work life and my personal life. Each has a goal statement and measures of progress that I use to determine whether I’m on the right path or not.
- It helped change my default perspective on things, so that I can now come from a place of curiosity, as opposed to coming from a place of judgement.
- It gave me the support I needed, another perspective, and in addition to therapy, another avenue for me to work through the challenging situations and emotions in a productive way.
- It helped me define what I needed and then gave me the tools to advocate for myself.
I won’t lie, a lot of my experience with coaching over the last few years has been fire fighting and heavily work related, but I also made a conscious effort in 2022 to prioritize my personal life and personal goals so that I put my energy into more than just what I do.
My coaching in practice
I don’t want to leave you with just the feel goods, I want to also share what this change actually did for me.
Well, for one it gave me the push to leave some really toxic environments. Once I was able to define my personal values (autonomy, authenticity, fun, creative and impactful) I was able to recognize “Damn, this place barely meets a 2 in a lot of these categories” in addition to the anxiety I woke up with each morning and the incredibly draining feeling I ended each day with. So even though I feel guilty about wanting to leave (another topic we can delve into at some point), the work experience was clearly not aligned to what I said I wanted, so I left.
In a similar vein, it also gave me the framework to discern between new opportunities. At one point, I was in the running for a role that I really loved, I mean REALLY loved. It was mission focused, all about increasing the number of Black engineers in tech. Totally up my alley. And the linchpin was that just the first step! After setting up that program they wanted to do similar programs for women, for the LGBTQ+ community and I was just all heart-eyes-emoji. But I eventually decided to walk away from that opportunity because I had decided that at that point in my life, I wanted a soft life. I had been working hella hard for a REALLY long time, I had gone through multiple traumatic situations and I really just needed a moment where I wasn’t on 10 everyday. Where I wasn’t the proverbial workhorse making shit happen by pure will because of my attachment to the mission. So I walked away. It was difficult but coaching gave me the framework to recognize what the opportunity was and to recognize that no matter how much I wanted it to be right for me, it just wasn’t right for me in that moment.
Another example stems of my recent piece about a narcissistic boss where my coach really helped me develop some of those tips and tricks on how to navigate out of that situation. My authentic nature definitely had me wanting to respond in a certain way and she helped me take a step back and realize the futility in it. She also helped me realize the fact that I don’t owe that person anything (regardless of how much they may try to make you feel indebted to them), and more importantly engaging with them is not going to get me to my goals. So focus on the activities that will.
When to consider getting a coach
Something my coach reminds me often is that coaching is effective when there’s a goal or a need in mind. Unlike therapy where you can focus on sharing your feelings and working through that, coaching needs a defined current state and a future state. Note that doesn’t mean you can’t define that future state within coaching, you definitely can because I have multiple times.
With that defined future state, your coach can keep you accountable on your progress to that goal.
So back to the main question, when’s a good time to consider getting a coach?
- When you are lost and not sure what to do
- When you have specific situations you are having a hard time navigating in a way that is successful for you
- When you feel uninspired
- When you have specific goals you want to achieve but not sure the best method to get there
- When you need additional accountability
- When you’re doing something you’ve never done before and just need that extra support and perspective
Now practically, personal coaching/business coaching costs money … and while I’m not counting your coins, if you can invest in yourself in this way, I really think its a great way to take control of your life. You can absolutely create the life you want to live, you just have to be intentional about it.
I truly appreciate you making it to the end! Please check out the corresponding YouTube video where we have a special guest, a PM and leadership coach to share some of their thoughts as well.
