A sudden change in pressure

The hard part was the moment after it was all done.

I was moving across the country, with no job or apartment lined up or faintest notion what my life would be like. And I had a dog, a 50 lb., barely post-adolescent dog accustomed to spending more time outside than in, even on a wintry New England day. Better for everyone if the dog gets to stay in a stable home in rural-ish Connecticut than eventually get stuck in a 20-something’s city apartment all day.

Then it just happens, step by step.

Newspaper ad. Phone call, no. Phone call, no. (People responding to classified ads were flakes even before Craigslist.) Phone call, yes, come see him, here’s the address. Hi. He still jumps sometimes but only when he really can’t help it now. Has never been aggressive to anyone, but can get spooked by little kids. You have two? He knows “sit” and “down” and “sit” to sit up again and “up” to stand and “stay” and “come” and responds to silent hand signals for each and “drop” to let go and “off” and a throaty “heeeeey” to mean stop and doesn’t beg at the table and waits for permission before he eats. Yes, come back when your wife and children are with you.

When he comes back, his wife actually stays in the car with their newborn. I hope she wants to have a dog, too. He holds their 1-year-old as we talk in the garden and the dog plays around us. He wants a dog his kids can grow up with. I hadn’t even thought about what kind of home to hope for for this creature I’d raised. I am leaving in a month. I’m not going to find a better one to send him to.

Can he take him today? … Today? It’s a long drive if he has to come back. … I’m not going to find a better home for him. … OK. OK. How do we do this. Here are his bowls and his leash and the toys that are still in decent shape and the rest of the current bag of food. You don’t have to use the same food but mix this with it to help his digestive system adjust. He sometimes gets car sick but I have some Dramamine. He’ll probably be nervous in the car anyway. Call me if you have any questions at all. Thank you. Thank you. Take care.

They’d parked on the street. You get to the house from the street by walking up the driveway. This is when it all hits me. Not a thought, not a mental realization — a physical sensation. Or a lack of sensation. It’s all emptiness. I can’t actually tell if my legs are moving, or if my feet are in contact with any ground.

Is there any explaining what has happened?

No.

Postscipt: I call two weeks later, to make sure everything is OK. I speak to the woman for more than 30 seconds for the first time, I am thrilled by how happy and impressed with him she sounds. He is such a good dog, so attentive and obedient. He has bonded with her husband and can’t wait for him to come home when he leaves. He isn’t home but he can call me back? No, no, there’s no need, I just wanted to make sure things were good, I am so glad. He does call back anyway. Thank you, he says. Thank you, I say.