Q&A with YouTuber Pahla Bowers, author of “Mind Over Menopause”
Popular weight loss coach discusses managing negative thoughts associated with menopause.
YouTuber and weight loss coach Pahla Bowers offers a simple, motivational roadmap for women in menopause with her new book Mind Over Menopause: Lose Weight, Love Your Body, and Embrace Life after 50 with a Powerful New Mindset. In the 272-page book, published by The Experiment, Bowers shares insightful advice on targeting unhelpful thoughts, developing awareness about how you feel, and choosing a realistic weight goal, among many other tips. In this interview for Menopause Matters, Bowers discusses her personal experience with menopause, the power of “I think” statements, identifying the right amount of calories to consume, and more.
Editor’s Note: This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Tell us a little about your experience with menopause. What symptoms did you experience?
Honestly, the weight gain was at the time the most troublesome. I’ve experienced other ones like some brain fog and quite a bit of fatigue from overexercising. That wasn’t necessarily just from menopause. I ran the gamut with anxiety and hot flashes as well. Thankfully, a lot of my symptoms were mild. I’m very grateful for that.
But I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how strong or how mild the symptoms are. It really is how you think about it and whether or not it seems life-disrupting or inconvenient or tragic to you because it is such a change. Even if quantifiably the symptoms don’t seem bad, that whole mental baggage of my life is very different now. I am a different person in what feels like a different body at this age.
How is putting the phrase “I think” in front of statements helpful when journaling?
Biologically speaking, we are designed to believe everything we think. We really truly think we’re thinking in facts, and the fact is that we’re thinking in opinions.
Putting that phrase “I think” in front of whatever sentence you’ve just heard in your head can help you get some distance from it and see that what you’re hearing in your head is one interpretation. There might be another way of thinking about it. Recognizing that you are thinking in a thought instead of a fact creates that space for your brain to find a more positive, helpful thought at some point in the future without trying to foist it on yourself.
What tips would you have for a woman trying to decide on a goal weight?
Most of the women that I work with have put that decision outside of their selves by asking doctors or looking at body mass index (BMI) charts. As a weight loss coach, very often they ask me, “What do you think I should weigh?” And one of my favorite things to offer women is to just ask yourself, “What do I want?” Listen to the answer because we don’t often ask ourselves that. We as women are socialized to put other people’s wants and needs ahead of our own. Simply asking yourself the question ‘What do I want?’ is so empowering.
How does a woman know what the right amount of calories to eat is?
There’s actually a really easy formula: Take your starting weight in pounds and slap a zero on the end of it. Or multiply by 10. It’s rule of thumb to get started. Most women are quite shocked by how many calories that is. But biologically speaking, we have to fuel our bodies in order to burn the fat that we want to.
I think women are probably overwhelmed with all the different diets and messages out there about carbs and protein, and so forth. Could you distill it into a few key things to remember when eating?
Honestly, I prefer to keep it as simple as possible, especially when you’re first starting off and trying to make a change in your life. My philosophy for weight loss is to eat the foods you already know and love in portion sizes that fit your calorie target, which puts you in the position of making decisions about how much of anything you want to eat to fit it all in. Over time, getting used to making those decisions without trying to force yourself to only eat healthy or skip breakfast or only eat protein or any of those kinds of things.
Over time, you’ll recognize what feels good in your body and what keeps you fuller longer. You’ll start to naturally make changes toward healthier foods, which will be longer-lasting and sustainable habits, rather than just trying to force yourself to do something right now. I wholeheartedly believe that you should eat in ways that feel good both mentally and physically.
Sometimes you are just going to feel lousy. As you write, you can’t “positive think” your way out of hot flashes. Why is it important to allow yourself to feel whatever feelings you have?
Well, because it’s quite literally physically impossible to feel good all the time. It’s just not the way the world goes. Accept that sometimes you’re going to feel lousy, and sometimes you’re going to feel good. It helps remind me that nothing is meant to be permanent. Nothing lasts forever, and whatever I’m feeling right now isn’t going to be the rest of my life. Letting all the feelings — good and bad — flow through me in the way that they will helps everything feel better.
What’s your final pitch to menopausal women looking for another resource? What do you think they can get out of your book?
When I started working with a life coach, her first advice to me was, “Just go ahead and journal and see what’s going on in there, and then we’ll work with that.” I’m certainly not the first to suggest journaling. But for me, staring at a blank page was just overwhelming. Trying to figure out what was inside my brain was a mystery to me.
I created some very prescriptive rules for myself. Ask yourself a question. Write down these things. Don’t censor yourself. As soon as I had some rules in place, it all felt so much easier. I think this book will really appeal to women who would like to journal but don’t know how or where to start. It gives you some concrete places to get started so that you can find your thoughts and decide if they’re helpful to move forward.
