Men’s fears of women

That women are scared of men is well known, and well founded. Men are bigger, stronger and by any measure have a disproportionate share of power. So what do men have to be afraid of? Men’s fears of women are more hidden. Most women have no idea that men are also frightened of them, and we do everything we can to keep it that way. For men, being afraid of women is not only an unfamiliar idea, it is also a highly aversive one. One of the worst things a man can say about another man is that he is afraid of women, i.e. henpecked, whipped, etc. Nonetheless, after a brief moment of surprise, most men very quickly recognize the truth of this idea for themselves.

See if you recognize yourself in any of these scenarios:

1. You are in a relationship with a woman and you are increasingly worried about losing your independence, not being able to be yourself and do what you want to do. When friends call and ask you to get together, you feel like you have to ask your girlfriend’s permission first. One of the things you liked about your girlfriend was how independent she was, but now she’s starting to seem needier, and making more and more demands of you and your time.

2. Your wife/partner often seems very emotional to you. You feel uncomfortable whenever she is upset and frustrated that you don’t know how to help her feel better. Somehow, it’s become your job to calm her down, and you are starting to feel less compassionate and more resentful. The more emotional she gets, the more shut down and withdrawn you become.

3. You feel increasingly criticized and judged by your wife/partner. You keep placating and making concessions, but it seems that no matter how hard you try to please her, you just can’t get it right. Sometimes it feels more like living with your mother than a lover.

5. Speaking of living with your mother, you find yourself increasingly more interested in pornography and fantasies than sex with your wife/partner. The sex that was so mutually exciting to start with is less exciting, more mundane, sometimes almost more like a chore, one more thing you are supposed to do to please her.

If you recognize yourself in any of these scenarios, I hope you will join our online community and forward this to your friends. You will find other men talking about their experiences, helpful articles, and original content all about men’s fears of women. I hope you will find the information helpful, and will consider adding your own voice to the conversation.

Note: To some, these scenarios will be read as blaming women for men’s fears. For men, it is less threatening to be critical of women than to look at our own underlying fears. The challenge for us in this conversation is to talk with each other about our fears of women, without resorting to blaming women for how we feel.



That women are afraid of men is well known. Men’s fears of women are more hidden. We hide them from others and from ourselves. Some of these fears include: being dependent on women, being unable to please their partners, and being abandoned.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store