Personal Reflections of Grim Reality And Long-Term Consequences
Deaths due to Eating Disorders
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About three months ago, I came across a post on Reddit with an announcement of the death of a young woman due to her eating disorder. That woman was about my age, and she was active on social media about her recovery journey. She was struggling a lot and wanted to get better. She couldn’t afford treatment and did the best she could because she wanted to live.
The news of her death saddened me and got me thinking about myself. I tried to brush it off and focus on other things. However, she kept popping in my mind every once in a while.
A few weeks later, a model who was also struggling with an eating disorder died. And then, a few days ago, I found out that another person died because of their eating disorder (ED).
What these three people had in common was that they documented their lives on social media and forums for many years. Even though many people die due to their EDs every day, those three deaths hit me hard.
The news of those deaths geared up my ED “voice” to new levels. It doesn’t help that I am also going through a stressful period in my life. While I can manage the stress and offer myself a lot of self-care, the “voice” looks for any tiny cracks to slip in. It feels like I have to be on guard again, and it’s exhausting.
The reality is that EDs are among the mental disorders with the highest mortality rate (source). Many people die due to long-term complications even though they appear to be “healthy”.
I know that. I know the statistics, and I know about any new research findings that are published. I make sure to catch up on that every once in a while. I do that for other mental health issues too, because I want to be good at my job.
But, in the case of ED research, I do it mainly because I hope that one day I’ll see a research discussing a possible cure. It looks though that this isn’t going to happen any time soon. Not because there’s no interest for that, but because the brain is so complex.
I have previously written about the early warning signs of EDs. I know though that it’s no use in spending time to bash myself and wonder “how things could have been for me now, if…”.
The damage that I’ve done to my body can’t be reversed. EDs have long-term consequences on the body. I see it in myself too, and I’m not talking about how the body looks on the outside. I have made my peace with that, and frankly I don’t care anymore.
Despite now trying to have a healthier lifestyle (eating nutritious foods, stopped smoking, etc.), some damage has already been done.
I have learned to accept those consequences and do my best to not create any more problems for my body. I am also working on reversing whatever can be reversed. It is easy to get carried away, but I’m determined to not have another relapse.
I know it’s not worth it.
Thanks to Jenny Gargarello for creating the Mental Asylum publication. As she said “Here you will not be censored for being too dark. Darkness is part of mental illness.”
