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Abusive People Do Not Understand How Much Work They Cause in Their Victims’ Lives
Two Minutes of Trauma can Create a Lifetime of Work
I am in my 50’s, and I still have to do work, every single day, to stay mentally well. I may not work as hard as I once had to, but I still have to remind myself daily that I am in a safe place, and that I have freedom from abusive people.
My trauma was “gifted” to me as a child, and again, in my teens. As an adult, I found myself falling into a pattern of not being able to stay safely away from mental abuse. I got lazy, in my 40’s, and stopped doing the important work that I learned in the past, resulting in finding another abuser. That’s on me. It wasn’t my fault that he was abusive, but it WAS my fault for not remembering to protect myself. I had the skills, but because it was a different kind of abuse, I forgot to implement them before it was too late. I didn’t recognize the manipulation and callousness of my abusive partner, as it wasn’t as physical, or sexual, as I knew as a child. Once I was in the relationship, I couldn’t find a clear path of escape, and ended up tolerating, rather than working through it and fighting back.
How Abuse Creates Work
Abuse can be a one time event, or it can happen over a long period of time. Regardless, the invisible (or visible) wounds are still there. The injuries from abuse look much different from any other pain, because they root from the inside.
The first time you are hurt, violated, or tormented by an abuser, lays the groundwork for the next steps of hard recovery. It may only be a few minutes of trauma that will change your life forever, or it may be events that occur repeatedly. Either way, it is never easy to heal from, and if you haven’t suffered from abuse, you may not comprehend the damage.
The first part of abuse is the physical sting or injury. The next part is where the work comes in-the mental damage.
For the sake of example, let’s look at a rape victim. We will name the victim Donna.
