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Is it Healthy to Not Argue in Your Relationship?
The Freedom of Not Fighting
“You need to argue with your spouse, or you are not being your authentic self”
This is a quote from a close friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous.
I was telling my friend, during a wine chat, how refreshing it is to not be in a relationship full of arguing and drama, for a change. As we sat, sipping our glasses of red, I couldn’t help but notice the slight eye roll shadow her face. Her advice was that, in order for me to be “authentic” I needed to stand my ground, and argue for what I wanted or needed in my relationship.
This friend is one of my favorite people, and I look up to her, on most occasions. This was not one of those times when I felt that she was better than I, at navigating relationships. She had just told me, during a monologue of cuss words, about a heated debate she had with her spouse. She was angry with him, even after two days had passed, at his lack of regard for her feelings. Listening to her go through the event, retelling her side of the argument, I couldn’t help but drift off to my past relationship memories.
Chronic Arguing is Exhausting
I swear my ex wasn’t happy unless we were conflicting in opinions. Right from the very first week we were together, he had to always be right about his opinions or stances on subjects. Furthermore, he had to always tell me how to do things, when to do them, and then how to do them again, to his standards.
It was a fact of life in that relationship.
If I asked what he wanted for dinner, it could ignite a debate. If I suggested an idea for the weekend, it would get shot down, followed by the reasons why I shouldn’t “try” to make plans without consulting him. It was an endless shadow of gloom, even on the sunniest of days.
There was a time when we were camping with friends, and they asked if we wanted to join them on a kayaking trip. Excitedly, (and apparently out of turn) I answered with an empathetic YES!
