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The Things Abusive People Say Should NOT Define You
It is so easy to believe what toxic people say
The triggers of toxic people, for some reason, stay with us longer and more intensely, than what kind people compliment us with. It’s ridiculous.
I say it’s ridiculous, yet so many memories of harsh words, insults and rude comments seem to trigger my day to day life. I can be taking on a project, doing a household task, or even writing, and I can hear that sneering, rude voice in the back of my head. “You’re doing it wrong”. “You’re not good enough”. “Why can’t you be more like her?”
The voices are continually nagging me, and almost identifying who I have become.
Almost.
What I Have Learned Over the Past Year
Triggers are nothing but the echoes of ghosts in our head. Trauma responses come and go, but triggers are always present if you have been in an abusive relationship.
You may be doing something, smelling something, or in an environment that brings back a bad memory. Even the sound of a distant song, or the taste of a certain food can bring back a rush of bad moments of your past.
You need to rewrite them with good memories. You need to overwrite what was once said or done to you by facing the current, safe situation you are in. Make the new situation better by blasting great music, calling a friend and sharing a laugh, or spontaneously dancing with your partner. If you are in a triggering environment, change the memory by doing something new, or eating something delicious. Shut out the voices and ground yourself. Feel the warmth of the sun or the chill in the air, and people watch. Change the way you see your surroundings by breathing differently. Just make it “different”.
I used to be scared to cook in the kitchen. Every time I thought I was being creative and making something from scratch, to please me then partner, I was told I was “making a mess”. I was policed over my shoulder as the “mess” I left behind was wiped with his cloth. We now have a sign in our kitchen that reads, “This Kitchen…
