You Are Not Falling Behind on Life.
I am reaching 30 and I have no idea what I want from life.
Hello, friend.
I know what it feels like. To feel overwhelmed by the endless paths you can follow, and freeze. I don’t have one true calling in life. My therapist asked me how I imagine myself in 5 years from now. I shrugged my shoulders in ignorance. Damn you people that are able to envision your life in a significant amount of time… I enviously hate you!
I can’t make a choice, as I don’t know what suits me, so I make up scenarios in my mind as to what could go wrong. And of course, everything does, in one way or another, go wrong.
It’s mentally draining to overthink everything. To constantly evaluate possible situations you could be in. And then nothing happens, you feel useless, and you inaction confirms that you’re useless. Welcome to Depression 101.
Depression, mixed with of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Is it just me, or am I surrounded by a generation that is unable to make choices?
I observe my peers, and most of them do not feel confident in the choices they’ve already made in their lives.They do not know what kind of change needs to be made in order for them to be happier, or even if they do, they’re too scared to step out of their comfort zone, because they’re terrified that they’ll mess up.
It’s an epidemic; the vast majority of my generation wants to live a meaningful life and make an impact, but nobody wants to put in the work. We expect to be perfect, without trying too much.
But, why? Why are we so impatient on almost everything? Maybe technology, the ease of having everything we want with a push of button has made us believe that we don’t really have to try. Why make something from scratch when you have next-day delivery? Why work on a relationship when you can just swipe right on the next possible one?
Maybe it’s our upbringing. Our parents used to tell us all the time that we are special, that we’ll grow up to do great things and that we can do and have anything, as long as we really want it.
And then, we grow up and life hits us. We are not that special. We are not that great. We cannot do and have anything we want just because we want it.
Maybe it’s our workplace. As we move forward in this capitalistic scheme, it’s really all about the lowest cost and the largest profit. Major companies fire people all the time, just replace them with lower - payed workers. Major companies tend to play with loopholes all the time; it’s legal, but is it right? We really are just numbers to our employers. Most companies have bosses, not team leaders.
So what happens then? When you go out in life and it beats the sh*t out of you? I personally feel so lost on this whole adulting thing. I have no clear idea with what I want to do with my life. I don’t know who I am on this whole mess.
I feel so left behind, when I am applying for jobs, like I am good for nothing (even though I have a Master’s of Engineering). Or maybe I want to create my own business, but it’s so hard. I am stuck, unable to make a decision.
Comparison to other people’s lives is the cancer of our mental health. It’s like an inoperable brain tumor. We can never really stop comparing ourselves to others.
But we can do chemo, cutting down on our social media use and having actual meaningful conversations, that will make us realize we are not alone or falling behind in life. As a result, we can be more empathetic and give ourselves a break from all the harsh self-criticism.
In my last therapy session, my therapist told me to act and stop playing possible scenarios in my head. Address my thought and prevent it from spiraling into overthinking. And the most important thing: Just because I make a choice, doesn’t mean I can’t go back if I’m no longer happy with it.
And that is the essence, dear depressed perfectionists. You think that you have to do something and stick to it, become its master.
You think that you have to make a major life choice, rather than giving honest shots and have the courage to say “Enough, now”. Because you believe that you’ll end up back in square one. But you will not. You will definitely be a better person having tried something and given up on it, rather than dwelling on what is your life purpose. Just give it an honest shot.
