5 Things I Did to Fuel Self Care
I feel more like me at twenty-five than ever before
I’ve been feeling kind of down for…well, the last year. It’s been a rough one on all of us, but those of us with mental illnesses and/or who are neuro-divergent have been regressing in many ways. I have definitely felt an increase in my social anxiety and have a very hard time leaving the house (although part of that right now is due to the trillions of cicadas across Maryland).
I was advised by my therapist as well as many articles and videos across social media to start prioritizing self care. Self care of course looks different for everyone. Some days my self care is just taking twenty minutes to scroll through Tik Tok and decompress a little bit.
But there are five big things I’ve done to prioritize my mental wellbeing and self esteem and I feel like a whole new person.
I dyed my hair pink
I have never fully identified with the way that I look, physically. My natural hair is a medium brown/dirty blond color. In the summer it gets lighter highlights, but it’s still brown. My face is okay. My hair length has changed drastically over my lifetime to try and find a style that fit me best.
For my birthday, my husband bought me a coloring conditioner set that tints your hair the more you use it. If you stop using the product, the color washes out after a few days. Very low-commitment but very fun.
He got me a vibrant pink dye specifically formulated for brown hair, so we could be certain that the color would show up without me having to bleach my locks. I have never felt more like myself than when I see pictures or my reflection with pink hair.
I didn’t realize that something so miniscule could have such a huge impact on my confidence and self esteem. Even when the color starts to fade into a dusty rose color, I’m obsessed with the way it looks. I can’t wait to try more colors, but I think I was supposed to be born with pink hair.
This particular brand of coloring conditioner gives me a very faint and subtle pink hue, which is exactly what I was looking for. In the sunlight my hair is super vibrant and bright but when I’m teaching on Zoom or just hanging out inside, my hair just looks a little bit darker. No one’s the wiser. And I love it.
I wrote about whatever I wanted
Over the last two months I’ve written quite a lot. I published eight articles in May; more than I have since my first month writing on Medium. Since I work a day job, pumping out more than four or five articles a month is kind of tough. But once I decided I was going to write about anything and everything, it was like the lights turned on for the first time.
I have been so inspired and have found some actual success in doing so. I’ve gained dozens of new followers (hello to the 650 of you!) and have seen an increase in interaction on my posts.
If there’s anything that Medium has shown me it’s that people appreciate a real person every now and again. People want to read about opinions and experiences more than they want to read about anything else. By writing about what I’m interested in and not worrying about sticking with a niche, I’ve not only opened up my audience but I’ve opened up new doors for myself in the process.
I started cooking more
I’ve never known how to cook. I’ve always been uncreative in the kitchen. It’s not that I was never given the chance to learn; I can follow a recipe for cookies or rice, I just never learned how to experiment. Even when my husband and I started dating and eventually living together, he did all the cooking.
Lately though I’ve had the urge to get in the kitchen and mix it up. It started with my sister giving me some instant yeast packets, which inspired me to make homemade soft pretzel bites. Then it moved to my mom giving me a few recipes that we had a lot growing up to try out. Now I’m a full fledged maniac in the kitchen.
I just make stuff up as I go. I look to Pinterest for inspiration and oven temperatures, but otherwise I wing it. The other night I made an incredible brown-sugar chicken and rice dish in the Crock Pot. It was so delicious my husband went back for thirds! And I never would have thought to combine something sweet with something savory but lo and behold it worked out.
I’ve been baking more too, which is harder because the measurements have to be pretty exact. I made a coffee cake the other morning and it was divine. I was incredibly surprised but impressed with myself on that one. I even made a glaze to go over it that melted down into the nooks and crannies. It was so good, and what made it so good was that I did it myself and could call it my own.
I get this sense of accomplishment from the dish turning out tasty. Even if the dinner isn’t great, I learned a lesson for next time.
I started wearing the right clothes for me
My weight and body size have fluctuated greatly over the last ten years. I’ve been at my smallest and my largest within just two years of each other, but right now I’m sitting nice and comfy at a place where I feel happy. My pants fit and I don’t feel like crying every time I change out of a baggy tee shirt.
Since I’ve always been a bit bigger than other girls my age, I was taught early on what clothes were “good” and what clothes were “bad,” masked with terms like “flattering” and “slimming.” But guess what? If the clothes don’t look right, that’s the clothes’ fault, not mine!
I stopped worrying about sizes and cuts and fits, and focused on what I was actually comfortable in. I started wearing more form-fitting tee shirts because they didn’t rub on my skin the wrong way and give me sensory overload. I started wearing dresses and rompers because they’re one piece and don’t require any thought or prior planning. I stopped wearing jeans — partly because I’m working from home — because JEANS AREN’T COMFORTABLE TO ME.
I feel so cute and confident in my crop tops and flowy pants. I feel strong and powerful in my rompers. I feel like a supermodel every time I see myself in the mirror because I like what I’m wearing and how I look in the clothes. If I had known it was that simple, I would have started doing this in high school.
I stopped putting so much pressure on myself
I am allowed to say “no” to things. All my life I’ve said “yes” to everything out of fear for hurting someone's feelings. I always do more than what is asked of me because I want things to be easier for others. But it has taken me a very long time to realize that that’s a LOT of pressure to put on one single person, especially yourself.
If I don’t want to go to the store with my sister because I’m having a mentally difficult day, I can say no and reschedule for another time. If I don’t want to go out to dinner because, despite being fully vaccinated, I still want to be precautious in public places, I can stay home. I don’t have to put this insane pressure on my own shoulders to please everyone around me and be the best version of myself for them.
I should be the best version of myself for me and me alone, not for the benefit of everyone else. By prioritizing myself and my own wellbeing, I’ve been able to advocate for myself much better and ask for help when I need it. I no longer have full panic attacks having to ask for help with work. I don’t have to do breathing exercises before confronting someone I’ve had a disagreement with.
Maybe this is a big nihilistic, but the world is not that serious. If I need to take time to catch up, that’s okay. The earth will not burst into flames because I said “no” to Sunday night dinner at my parent’s house. I’m finally learning to be okay with that.
