The Best Piece of Advice I’ve Ever Gotten
It changed everything for me, it can do the same for you
I have been having a rough few weeks at work. I’ve been training in a new position while maintaining my current workload, and the woman who has been training me is, in a word, mean. Downright high-school-bully-cornering-you-in-the-bathroom kind of mean. She mocked me when I asked a question or misspoke on the phone, made me feel stupid for not knowing something; the list goes on and on.
So like any person, I started asking for advice. What the heck do I do? I called my mom, I texted my best friend, I even made an extra appointment with my therapist.
I was unhappy, I was stressed out, I wasn’t sleeping; it all felt like too much. And as a person who already lives with anxiety, depression, and has low self esteem, this wasn’t the most productive environment for me to be involved with.
My mom and best friend were both lovely and listened to me and validated the way I felt. They said my coworker was a bully and to remember that it is all temporary. I’m filling in for this position for a few months while someone is on maternity leave, and that’s it.
Knowing it’s a temporary situation helps Future Megan, but doesn’t do a whole lot for Present Megan.
My therapist listened to everything I said and all that I was feeling. This is what she said when I was finished:
“You know you can quit, right?”
It had not dawned on me even for a second that I could quit. At first I protested; I said that I had committed to the job and therefore I had to follow through. She cut me off and said:
“You are in control of your situation. Ultimately, if you want to quit you have every right to do that.”
I sat there on the phone for a minute and thought about it. “I don’t think I want to quit though.” She said she didn’t think I wanted to either. So we weighed out the pros and cons of the situation.
The answer to my problem was pretty obvious. I keep this job. But I know that I have this exit plan is need be. We even devised a plan to reassess how I feel about the job every week or so. If in a week I still felt overwhelmed and that I couldn’t handle it, I still wouldn’t quit, but request that I work fewer hours per week in that position. If I did that and I still felt horrible, then I could consider leaving that position.
Knowing that I had this exit strategy made me feel more comfortable. I already knew it was temporary and would only have to deal with it for a short period of time, but knowing that I am 100% in control of the situation gave me back the confidence that I could do anything I needed or wanted.
I’ve started applying this “all or nothing” strategy into other areas of anxiety in my life. I have a new doctor appointment coming up that I’m nervous about. My options are either to go to the appointment, or cancel it altogether. Knowing I need a new family doctor, I probably shouldn’t cancel the appointment even though I’m anxious. But I know that if need be, I am in control and I can cancel.
I am in control of my life. My job, my relationship, my family, my friends all can have influence, sure. But only I am in control of each situation presented to me.
