Startup lesson learned — burnout.

Let me give you a feel of one of my days in Winter 2015.

6:15 AM. I’m lying in bed in a small dark Airbnb room in San Francisco. I don’t want to get up. I take my phone. Start reading messages on Slack from the rest of our team in Europe. I don't know why, but every message I read makes me angry. Couple of misunderstandings, but in general nothing bad. I just can’t stop myself from feeling angry. I respond to couple of messages with WTF tone. Terrible mistake. I continue with email. No bad news. Just a regular work stuff and new meetings ahead. Then Facebook. I miss my boyfriend, my European friends and my family.

6:33 AM. I’m still in bed. I think about last 200USD on my bank account. I’m cold. I’m stressed out. I feel alone. I feel anxious. I feel that nobody cares about our company as much as I do. I feel I’m loosing hope. Yes, already at 6:33 AM.

7:33 AM I’m on my way to Workshop cafe — my working station with 80 strangers working on 80 different projects.

8:10 AM — 9:55 PM Loads of work. 4 big cups of coffee. I’m trying to smile the whole day. It’s expected from me. It’s how everybody knows me. I’m tired. I can't smile anymore. It’s hard for me to focus. I have no passion. I didn’t exercise again. I don’t remember what did I eat the whole day. I love food. How come?

11:30 PM — I’m crying in the shower. I feel relieved for a moment. Then I feel nothing. I don’t recognize myself. I want to quit.

1:30AM — I finally fall asleep.

I was experiencing a burnout. It seems pretty obvious now. But it was anything but obvious at that time.

So what did I do wrong?

• I was too emotionally invested in our startup (I wasn’t even a founder back then).
• I was in autopilot = work, food, work, sleep and repeat.
• I thought my world would break down if we didn't succeed.
• I thought I SHOULD handle it all and I felt guilty when I didn't.
• I stopped doing things that mattered to me: talking to my family/friends, exercising, reading, walking, cooking, listening to my favorite podcasts.
• I didn't get enough sleep.
• I didn't spend enough valuable time with myself to figure this all out.

I learned my lesson

Startups are fun, but also hard. We all know that. That’s partially why we do them. But burnout shouldn’t be a byproduct of founding/working for a startup.

I definitely learned my lesson. I was lucky enough to have ton of supportive people around me, who helped me to deal with my situation.

I'm sharing my story with you in hope that you won't repeat my mistakes. It's not worth it.

I’m grateful

Couple of months later, I decided I want to dedicate my time to improving human wellbeing. I spent almost 2 years studying human psychology and what helps us live well. Eventually I started working idea that led to establishing a tech company with aim to help businesses measure, understand and improve emotional wellbeing of their employees.

I'm wiser now. I'm good. I'm grateful.

I'm here to listen

Please feel free to reach out to me on twitter @kpljaskovova — I'm not an expert, but I'm here to listen. Sometimes that's just what you need.