The pursuit of happiness and healthiness

A week before I ran the London Marathon in 2017 for the second (and final!) time I nonchalantly booked a mental health coaching session at Onfido. I was in a good place physically and mentally — I didn’t ‘need’ a mental health coach. I considered that I was potentially using up a session instead of someone who might have required it. I usually only do things if they have an objective but for some reason I thought ‘Ah, why not? Go on, I’ll just do it’.

In hindsight, that’s the moment when something inside decided to review my mental health, just like I did for my physical health. It was the best investment I’ve ever made in myself and I’d like to sincerely thank Onfido for giving me free access to this powerful benefit whilst working here.

So how did it all start?

“How are you?”

“I’m OK”, “not bad”, “glad it’s Friday” etc.

I’ve said and heard it often — it’s sometimes just a nice pleasantry or conversation starter.

When I sat down in my first mental health coaching session I was asked “How are you?”. Now I had 45 minutes to fill and “I’m OK”, “not bad” or “glad it’s Friday” wouldn’t have sufficed.

How was I? I thought about it. And then I started speaking.

What’s happened since?

I’m not going to bore you with every single thing I spoke about. In fact, I’m not going to bore you with any of it. I was speaking with my mental health coach in a safe and open-minded space and I’ve been able to start observing and understanding my thoughts and feelings.

“Ya running and ya running

And ya running away.

Ya running and ya running,

But ya can’t run away from yourself”

(Bob Marley, Running Away)

I used to run away from myself, but now I don’t. I used to not find answers by doing things that made me forget the questions — things I thought made me happy but were hollow. Mental health coaching has helped me observe my thoughts and feelings, understand them and answer some of my questions. I’ve made micro-adjustments that have made me happier and liberated. I now run to myself.

Where am I at now with my health?

I’m trying to train.

For my physical health training I’ve taken up boxing fitness. I have a channel and it provides discipline. Punching a bag, honing my technique coupled with the endorphins is really great! Big up London Community Boxing in Peckham! I also cycle to and from work. Both boxing and cycling help me physically and mentally.

For my mental health training I have regular coaching sessions with Shayan from Sanctus. If you’re reading this Shayan — thank you, thank you, thank you! You are a don!

Headspace also helps — I try to do it regularly. I sometimes beat myself up because I don’t currently do it as part of a regimented routine. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t – I try not to beat myself up about it.

I like problem solving. I like helping others too — it gives me a sense of purpose. Over time I’ve started to write things down that I read to aid my concentration when it comes to doing this— my mantras, if you will. I’m sharing them just to share them.

1. Be kind to myself.
2. Have fun and celebrate where things are going well.
3. An unfortunate situation is allowed to happen. Experience the emotions. Observe the situation and then recognise that it now no longer actually exists. Mourn it and try to move on by immediately identifying the new opportunity that’s there for me. When opportunity meets preparation, anything is possible.
4. Give what I can and be generous. Take what I need but don’t be greedy.
5. Don’t look for problems to solve – they’ll arrive themselves.
6. Help people if they ask for help, and I’m able to. Ask them what help they want or need.
7. My help, even with the best intentions, might hinder/ disempower others.
8. Don’t make other people’s problems my problems.
9. Bracket my judgements.
10. Repeat number 1.

And that’s me. Thanks for reading!