Stigma
stig·ma
/ˈstiɡmə/
noun
a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.
synonyms:shame, disgrace, dishonor, ignominy, opprobrium, humiliation, (bad) reputation
Nuts. Crazy. Psycho. Weird. Freak.
These five words are what I have most commonly been labeled during my life, and during my battle with mental illness. Before I was diagnosed, my actions and emotions were what would illicit these labels, and because I wasn’t diagnosed, I wouldn’t understand. Why did he say that about me? What did I do wrong? How could she be so mean? My feelings, obviously, were hurt and the amount of insecurities I already felt about myself would increase to a dangerously unhealthy level. This stigma, this labeling, has had an affect on my self-esteem and feelings of self-worth for years. I’ve felt damaged, broken, and unable to be fixed. I hid from my illness, denied its existence and was terrified to seek help. Seeking help would mean admitting that something was wrong with me, and because I kept it to myself, I felt entirely alone.
Loneliness is being in a room full of people and feeling completely solitary. It’s knowing in the back of your mind that you do, in fact, have friends, but refusing to acknowledge their presence in your life. It’s feeling unlovable, abandoned, unwanted, deserted. And all of those thoughts would fester in my mind until the result was I would truly isolate myself and self-harm. Loneliness to me was ignoring the fact that there were people in my life who cared about me, and only focusing on the ones who disliked me or said me things to me or behind my back. Concentrating on these people, especially those who chose to stigmatize me, became an unhealthy habit that I still struggle with today.
Since being diagnosed, I completely understand why those who are uneducated about mental illness would choose to discriminate against a specific group of people and treat them poorly. For example, as a child in elementary school, I had stigmatized the kids in special education classes as being dumb or weird. I knew nothing of learning disabilities, or mental impairments, and instead of asking my parents why these kids were in “special classes”, I grouped them together and gave them a label. But the thing is, I was a child. I was truly uneducated, naive, selfish and still learning that not everyone is the same. Adults are supposed to be different. You would think adults would know how to question what they are unsure of, pull up a page on Google and type in their inquiries and learn. Sadly, most of the time, that isn’t what adults do. Most adults take a look at someone and their first thought of them is their only thought. Black=thug. Muslim= terrorist. Depressed=crazy. Most adults don’t stop to get to know someone, or dig deeper. Most adults are focused only on the surface, what they see or hear about someone. When does it start? Where does it stop?
It starts with children. Children like me, who, when faced with someone who was different, chose to label them instead of get to know them. It stops with parents who have children like me. It starts with parents educating their children at an early age that everyone is different, and those differences are what make each of us unique, our own person, special. Stigma stops with teachers teaching about why bullying is wrong, and educating their students about mental illness.
Stigma stops when understanding starts. It stops when those of us who are different, or in this case, those of us with a mental illness stand up and tell our stories. How can we expect the ignorant people to understand our battle with mental illness if we don’t explain it to them? When they understand, we hope that they will share their new found understanding with others, and the stigmatizing of those who suffer from mental illness will stop.
So, those of you with a mental illness like Virginia and I: Stand up. Tell your story. Stop stigma.
Those of you who don’t know much about mental illness and want to learn more and educate others, please visit the following websites. Ask questions. Open your minds. And stop stigma.
