Where Is God?
During a depressive episode, not one positive thought can be found in my mind and not one small ounce of faith can be found in my heart. When I’m struggling, my mind circles around one question, and my heart hurts as I ask,
Where is God?
When I struggle through a depressive episode, my faith in God wavers, and I question His presence in my life. I wonder if He exists because when I’m suffering, it feels like He doesn’t and I ask myself again,
Where is God?
The question is complex, but the answer is simple, and is something I learned when I was a small child in Bible School. The answer has been ingrained in my mind for a long time, but when I’m depressed, I forget. The answer to my upsetting question is simple,
God is here.
When I’m suffering and struggling through a depressive episode, God is here. And though my faith in Him wavers when I’m depressed, He is still here. The evidence of His presence can be found in my Bible, the place I go when my faith in God is weak.
But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:6
I can’t see Him, and I can’t touch Him, but because I am a Christian and child of God, I have faith that He is with me, especially when I struggle.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
I hate that my faith is hard to find when I’m depressed. It angers me to ask the question,
Where is God?
When my faith is lost, I feel like a child whose strayed from her parents in a busy crowd. When my faith wavers, my depression worsens and I feel alone and abandoned. But I am not alone, and God does not abandon me when I suffer.
When I struggle with depression, I focus solely on my worldly worries, and that leaves no room for my faith. I forget to let God into my struggling heart, and that prevents Him from helping me heal. I forget to give in and give my worries to God, so I continue to struggle and continue to wonder,
Where is God?
I know how to help myself through a depressive episode. I know that I need to have faith when I’m depressed, and I know I need to let God into my heart. But amidst my anxiety and depression, I forget. I forget to have faith. I need to remind myself of that simple answer that will restore my missing faith in God,
God is here.
It’s easy to be distracted by negativity and to lose my faith during a depressive episode. I need to remember to turn to my Bible when I struggle, to be reminded that I am not alone in my struggles, and to be reminded that God is here.
