I’m a Splitter — Borderline Personality Disorder
Living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Emotional Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) can lead to a challenging experience known as splitting, where emotions are difficult to control, often resulting in impulsive expressions of anger and hatred towards others.
I have these impulsive reactions almost every day. It can be something so small that triggers me into those awful judgements of hate vs like.
My Understanding of Borderline Personality Disorder and Splitting
According to Very Well Health, BPD splitting is a symptom that makes it hard to hold opposing thoughts. Everything tends to be perceived as entirely good or entirely bad, leaving no room for middle ground. This black-and-white thinking can lead individuals with BPD to view people and situations as either wholly positive or wholly negative.
Real-Life Instances of My Splitting
In January 2022, a routine smear test at my local GP surgery became a confrontation due to my mask exemption. The nurse’s insistence triggered intense anger, resulting in a heated exchange. The lack of an apology afterward left me feeling disgruntled, underscoring the challenges faced by those with BPD during such encounters.
For f*** sake, I have a mental illness. Where was this nurse’s compassion? Zero, and she has zero knowledge of invisible illness.
In December 2022, a tribunal decision favoured the local Council, intensifying feelings of despair and prompting a strong reaction via email. While this outburst momentarily provided relief, it was followed by a sense of urgency to apologize, highlighting my struggle with impulsive reactions.
Coping and Seeking Understanding
My experience with BPD emphasizes the need for understanding from healthcare professionals. I advocate for empathy over judgment, highlighting the challenges faced by individuals with EUPD/BPD as we navigate an overactive amygdala and underactive prefrontal cortex.
I challenge stereotypes of manipulative behaviour associated with BPD/EUPD and call for a more compassionate approach. A healthcare environment that fosters trust and tailors support based on individual histories is crucial, moving away from robotic interactions to empathic care.
Closing Thoughts
In conclusion, I invite readers to share their experiences with BPD and splitting, encouraging dialogue about the impact of the disorder on daily life. It is essential to raise awareness about the importance of understanding and empathizing with individuals facing this serious, lifelong condition.
Do you have Emotional Unstable Personality Disorder or BPD and experience splitting? Please share your experiences to raise awareness of the symptoms that occur within this invisible illness.
