The Nordics need better Guanxi
You might have just landed in this beautiful Nordic country, or you might have been living here for quite many years. Either way, let’s be brutally honest: networking in Sweden is broken.
There are a lot of mingle events. Some people spend a lot of time at these mingles, trying to find meaningful connections in the city. I know I spent a lot of time that way when I first came to Sweden, 10 years ago. But how efficient are these mingle events? Do you get much out of them? I never did. I made so many ‘hi-bye’ friends at these events, but almost no real connections.
In the culture I grew up in, people value guanxi — deep meaningful connection. These connections aren’t just about getting to know people; they’re about helping each other out and investing in others. Mentorship and knowledge exchange are valued so highly that there is an old Chinese proverb: “Being a mentor for one day means a lifetime fatherhood.” For this reason, relationship-building is a big part of the business and social life in China. When I first came to Sweden, I was far from my family and friends, and my biggest worry was that I would not be able to find success as an entrepreneur without the right guanxi.
Everyone wants success, and no one is born knowing how to get it. The way to learn is to ask the people who have found it. Successful people say that finding a mentor is the biggest factor in achieving success. We can’t learn all the hard lessons all by ourselves — it’s too hard, and it takes too long. And we can’t amass all the implicit knowledge of a business community by ourselves. We all need help from someone in order to learn.
Needing others is not a weakness; it’s a strength. Your ability to copy someone successful is the biggest predictor of your own success. It has been said that good artists copy but great artists steal. Albert Einstein had lunch with his mentor every Thursday. Jay Z had a mentor. Bill Gates had Paul Allen, and Warren Buffet had Benjamin Graham. Why shouldn’t you have one too?
You should get a mentor, and you should be one, too. The golden rule of networking is this: You shall spend your time in thirds. Spend ⅓ of your time mentoring the people who are not as knowledgeable as you are, and they will return the favour by making you feel good about yourself. Spend ⅓ of your time with people who are on the same level as you, because they will give you a new perspective on the things you (think you) already know. And spend ⅓ of your time with people who are a decade or two ahead of you, because they will make you uncomfortable but also teach you the secrets of their success.
You may be asking yourself, why would successful people want to meet a person like me? You may doubt that you could be interesting to them, and you might be afraid they will reject you. It’s true, they might. But they might not. Remember that most successful people have benefited from having a mentor, so if you’re reaching out to someone successful, chances are they already know that mentorship is a great thing, from both sides of the relationship. They are probably open to helping out someone, just like they were helped. So you only have to convince them that you are going to be worth their time and expertise.
First, be active. You are asking them for something, and it’s best to be up front about that. Know what you want from them, and communicate it clearly. That lets them know that you are someone who has goals and opinions.
Second, be humble. You know what you want, but a mentor can help you to see the things you don’t even know about yet. Approach every conversation with a grateful, open mind.
Third, persevere. Keep trying, and don’t take No for an answer. At least not the first half-dozen times. (I got myself a very valuable mentor after a month and a half of rejection. I would love to share my story about that, so ping me, Jimmy Zhao, if you want to hear it)
Guanxi is the connecting force in the world, and we started Lunchback to create more of it.
We are in the business of creating community. The most valuable social capital is the intimate, supportive relationships that spur collaboration while deeply satisfying our human need for connection, belonging, and meaning. Our product is the Lunchback app, which you can use to find yourself a mentor in your local area, and make a connection over lunch. We have an active in the Nordic region, and soon we will have a presence in the professional networks all over the world.
I cordially invite you to join our community. These are our rules:
- Inspire and teach others with great stories, and be ready to learn from them too.
- Build friendships, not just hi-bye relationships.
- Show love: appreciate the mentoring and love who you are.
- Have fun: the unexpected moments are often most fun and most meaningful.
You will be surprised at how willing other people are to meet you in real life. All you have to do is to ask for it in the safe environment of our Lunchback community. There is nothing to be afraid of!
In the end, we want you to perfect your life and love it. Mentorship is the shortcut to your success. Success won’t come easy, it still takes a lot of hard work, but this difficulty is what makes success worth celebration! Remember this equation:
YOUR SUCCESS IN LIFE = THE PEOPLE YOU MEET + WHAT YOU CREATE TOGETHER
