Quinn’s 12 Tips for Beating Christmas Blues
It’s almost not enough to say I love Christmas. I frickin’ love Christmas. I just about always have a great time. My Christmases are full of gifts and food and goofy singing. Sometimes there’s tears and cuddling and playing. Sometimes it all falls apart into giggles. But people general enjoy themselves and have wonderful memories. People have asked me how I do it, how my Christmases are so active without being stressful.
The answer is simple: the rules of good Christmas are the same as the rules for good kink.
Whether it’s Grandma carving the turkey, or Daddy paddling your ass, the rules for safely navigating intimate special occasions work the same. They’re about honesty, communication, and caring for your self and intimate partners. I’m not entirely sure if I learned kinky sex or Christmas first, but the similarities are obvious. They are both highly artificial situations focused on bonding and pleasure. They both put strain on the body, and they both can get into tricky emotional territory. But done right, both kink and Christmas can be transcendent and fun. So without Further ado,
How to get the most out of Christmas
- Be selfish — no one but you is responsible for your happiness.
This may be surprising for many people who believe that presents or other people are responsible for their happiness, but like a sex party or a dungeon, it’s your job to seek out your own pleasures at Christmas. That three-year-old who is ignoring the expensive edutainment gift and playing enthusiastically with the box it came in is, in fact, doing it right. Boxes are pretty cool, and if there’s any time you’re allowed to play with one, it’s Christmas. Or a kink party.
2. Happy Christmas is based on negotiated consent, make sure people have space to negotiate for the Christmas they want.
It’s cool to have a plan, but it’s not cool to impose that plan on others without their consent. And when others are imposing, it’s cool to respectfully and lovingly decline something you’re not into. If you negotiate, you can almost always find festive activities everyone can enjoy.
3. You don’t have to be all into everything Christmassy, you can play with it.
Christmas is a chance to play with what you enjoy and who you are. You can dip into new activities or foods — you can put a little of that fruitcake in your mouth, if you dare. Everyone’s going to enjoy watching that. Or you can stick with what you know you like. You can do Christmas without having to partake in all the crazy things you see other people putting on or in their bodies and minds. (And whew, some of those sweaters/foods/religious rituals are pretty far out there.)
4. Check in with people about what you’re into and how you feel.
Christmas, like BDSM, can be ruined by too much meta-chatter about how Christmas is going. But a bit here and there can both show people that you appreciate them and keep everything developing well. For example, caroling, like spanking, is the kind of thing people are often really into or really not. It’s better to keep Deck the Halls and Good King Wenceslas in spaces focused on doing that with other people who are into that sort of thing.
And when it’s going well, let people know that. It can be as simple as a smile or a hug, or telling them. You don’t have to interrupt the scene, but the occasional signal lets your Christmas partners know it’s going well for you.
5. Let people know if you want to change activities.
Even if you were looking forward to it, if your Christmas activity isn’t as much your cup of tea as you thought, don’t keep doing it until you’re miserable. Sometimes that means asking others to move on to another activity, but usually it means letting people know you’re done with caroling and going to grab some ‘nog and sit for a while.
6. Feel free to make creative suggestions.
Is there something you’ve always wanted to try, or something that just came to you just now? Talk about it, see if people like the idea. Build present forts. Stack up all the empty boxes and take turns running through them. Wrap the children in garlands and let them put on a spontaneous Christmas play. Drape yourself in tinsel and run around being the Spirit of Christmas, if people are into it. (But like any creative kink scene, never do anything you’re not willing to clean up later.)
You can do these things as surprises without negotiation if you know your Christmas partners well, but be realistic about how they will be received. You really need to know someone well before you put the Christmas tree or a remote-control vibrator in an unexpected place.
7. It’s OK to ask for help.
Like a swinging harness or a fucking machine, some of the best parts of Christmas can be hard to do alone. If you need an extra pair of hands in the kitchen, or someone else to watch your overexcited children for a while, ask your guests, host, or family for help. It doesn’t mean you are giving up or aren’t as committed to cooking a goose as you thought you were, it just means that it’s easier and often more fun to involve more people in your festive activities.
8. Not everyone has to be into the same things.
And that is OK. Not everyone can even get into Christmas, for reasons that are entirely their own. Some people will always be happier with vanilla sex, and some people will never be comfortable with the Christian overtones. That’s what DVD box sets and bedroom doors are for. Never push someone into a Christmas scene they can’t enjoy. If they see that you’re having fun without requiring anything from them, that’s the most attractive argument for Christmas you can make.
9. It’s OK to take breaks, and for other people to take breaks.
In fact, if it’s going to last for a while everyone will have to take breaks, have alone time, and drink a lot of water. As anyone who’s been to an orgy knows, people take breaks when they need to, and rejoin later on with renewed vigor. Christmas is the same way — this is often a multi-day marathon, and you have to take care of yourself emotionally and physically.
10. Play with safe barriers.
Do not ruin yourself because you think Christmas is more fun that way. Think through the barriers in terms of what you can afford financially and time-wise. Spending months or years catching up on credit card debt or failed work commitments is not what we have Christmas fun for.
11. Don’t go too heavy on substances.
While a little something in the ‘nog can heighten the fun, you are in a complex and emotional situation. Stay cognizant and in control of yourself. Taking care of each other is part of Christmas, and kink, and both can be incredibly rewarding, but not when people aren’t able to engage with them fully.
12. When things go wrong, it’s totally fine to order pizza and watch movies instead.
There’s no point pushing Christmas (or sex) if it’s just not happening. There’s always next year.
Bokeh courtesy redwolf518stock
