Being There For Your Loved Ones Who Deal With Mental Health
There are things you should avoid doing.
I have read so many stories about people going through depression, anxiety, or any mental illness. Talking about mental health could be a little bit intimidating sometimes. Especially in my home country where the stigma is still a huge problem and definitely the reason why people don’t usually seek help.
When someone is struggling with mental health, some people associate it with being crazy, insane, mad, lunatic, you name it. But how can we stop them from thinking that way though? Obviously what they need is a certain level of education about the importance of mental health. I admit I was probably one of them until it happened to my loved ones.
The first time I became aware of this was when my best friend went through a depression. It was a difficult situation for me because we lived together, but it was most certainly nothing as compared to what she was going through which something I would never understand how she actually felt. As a friend, I tried my best to be there for her and that was actually the hard part because nobody told me that I had to be mentally strong too.
So here are the common mistakes that people usually do (yes I did the same) when dealing with someone depressed.
1. Give advice on what they should do
If you advise them to seek professional help, great! In this case, you’re not wrong. But if you tell them “you should go out more”, “find something exciting to do”, or “you won’t get better if you always stay in your room”, then this is when your advice isn’t helpful. People with mental illness sometimes don’t even understand how they could get to this state.
Each person deals with their emotions differently. Some can be high tempered, some like to be alone and spend most of the time in bed, or some prefer to pretend like they’re doing fine rather than listening to useless advice. The point is, try to really understand how they’re feeling and offer help when needed.
2. Avoid or ignore them
I’m talking about someone you really care about here. I know it’s painful to deal with them because they keep pushing you away. Being around them or the way they behave makes you feel a little bit angry sometimes although you’re just trying to help. Giving the space they need is totally fine but ignoring or avoiding them will make it even worse.
Always try to ask them what they need from you. Make them feel safe by ensuring that no matter what happens you will be there. People with mental illness usually tend to feel like they’re alone in this and nobody will ever understand what they’re going through so they would rather keep it to themselves instead of talking to someone.
3. Steal the spotlight
When they finally open up about how they feel, you shouldn’t start making the “if I were you” statement. This is not about you and again, you have no idea what they’re feeling and the struggle they’re going through. You may have experienced a mental breakdown before and you probably have tons of advice that you would like to share based on your own experience.
Before doing so, try to listen to them attentively and give them the opportunity to let their feelings out to you. You are probably someone who is trustworthy that they feel safe to talk to so cherish that.
4. Ignore your own mental health
When our loved ones are struggling with their mental health, we instinctively want to help because we care. However, please bear in mind that dealing with them isn’t always easy and it could definitely affect your mood. So when this happens, you tend to just walk away or you can sometimes explode too because you’re sick and tired of trying to make them feel better.
Your own mental health is as important as theirs. It’s almost impossible to help someone when you’re not in the right state of mind. Always let them know that you’ll be there whenever you’re needed and if you have your own issues, you might want to manage their expectations by telling them that you need to deal with your own problems too and you’ll come back.
Remind yourself that it doesn’t make you a selfish person for prioritizing your wellbeing.
When someone you love is feeling down, sad, or angry, it’s pretty normal that you instinctively try to cheer them up. Your intention is genuine and you just want to help. But when it comes to mental health, it’s a little bit complex and daunting.
When I was dealing with my best friend, I was definitely annoyed by the way she treated me. It seemed like she was angry with me and kept avoiding having a conversation. We used to do things together, hang out in the living room watching movies and have dinner. When she was having episodes, it felt like I lived alone because when I came home from work, she already locked herself up in her room. When I wanted to go out, I didn’t even ask her because I knew she would say no anyway.
I felt sad and didn’t feel comfortable living in this kind of situation. But I thought to myself that she probably needed more time to be alone and giving her space was perhaps the right thing to do and when she was ready to talk I would make sure I would be there.
So that was the part I didn’t know that dealing with someone depressed meant I had to be strong for her and for myself. I wished I could say or do something for her to make it go away.
Most importantly, I feel the world needs to be more and more aware of mental health issues so we can all support each other in any way possible. This is definitely not something we can take lightly. Hence, if helping them is beyond your capability, it’s totally okay. Seeking professional help is always the safest solution.
