“God is Change” ~Octavia Butler
If God is change, then what is there for me to control? Only my own mind. My own reactions to things. It is my choice how to show up. We have this idea that we are forcing our reality… no, we are co-creating an experience with all of life. I am creating alongside fellow humanity, the birds, the bees, the trees, the bacteria, the whales, the ancient ones we call stars and their babies we call planets. We are, in the grand scheme of things, tiny. These beings whose breath rushes through the cosmos gently laugh at our running around, buoyed by our determination, our single minded focus, our obsession with “purpose” and “creation” and “work”. They lazily move through their orbits, enjoying the view, expanding into the unknown, in a constant state of wonder, exploration, curiosity… and in their meandering purpose they show us the way. “Slow down” they whisper gently, voices rustling leaves on trees who have been standing guard for centuries. “You are running so fast on a planet so small. Running running running towards a destination that you made up and doesn’t exist. Relax and breath. Feel my breath across your skin. Feel the exhale of the Universe. Ride the waves of the cosmos and allow yourself to become a Universal citizen.”
What is there if not running toward an unknown destination? Stopping requires allowing myself to catch up. Allowing all of the things that have been piling up to suddenly be in alignment. The hurt and pain. The sadness and fear and guilt and shame and anger. When I stop there it is, slamming into my body, covering up everything I thought I knew to be true, suffocating me, forcing me to retreat into myself. And yet, as I retreat I realize… I can still breathe.
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe
There is space down here. There is Light down here. There is hope down here. Underneath the weight of those things I thought were inevitable death is more life than I have ever known. Suddenly the stopping becomes connection. Those things I have been running from fall away and in that moment of vulnerable nakedness I feel the cool breath of stars in galaxies lightyears away dance across my skin and I are FREE. The tiny human belief that freedom is running suddenly seems so silly as I realize that true freedom lies in wait when I stop and become still. It all makes sense. I become a citizen of the multiverse as senses I didn’t know I had burst into my awareness. I discover that I am laughing, and my laughter joins the celestial chorus of light beings. I am awake. I am alive. I am free. ❤
