Unspoken Blessings
We speak many blessings, yet a powerful blessing was one I never heard with my ears and didn’t recognize until years later. Yet I know it changed the course of my life. You could say, I grew into it.
“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.”
Lewis Carroll
A most important blessing I received from my parents was not spoken. Yet years later, after my father had died, my mother told me how proud he was of my decision. He died young — in his early fifties, so I might have heard it directly from him had he been on the planet longer. The story goes like this…
I was a painfully shy child and being afraid is not easy. At the ripe old age of 16 and a Junior in high school I decided I no longer wanted to be shy. I wanted to have more fun. I looked around the room at other kids (who I thought were having more fun than I was) and asked myself what they were doing. For some reason I understood there would be consequences for my actions and I considered this when I made my choices. There were kids whispering and talking to one another at inappropriate times. And others were writing and passing notes around. Knowing these things were “against the rules,” I decided could deal with the consequences that came with them.
I began my plan. I talked to anyone I could, and my history teacher moved me so many times he said in exasperation, “I don’t know where I’m going to put you because every time I move you, you find someone to talk to.”
I then found myself in Latin class one day talking back to the teacher. That was not in my plan! I felt what he said was unfair and not true. I was sent to the Dean’s office. Confusion and fear took over. I was angry, couldn’t really believe I had talked back to a teacher, and for good measure, slammed the door on my way out!
The Dean watched me walk into her room and said in a puzzled way, “What are you doing here?” I do not remember how I explained it. I had never been “trouble” in school. And I did not go home and report any of this to my family.
A few weeks later my report card and I had a check mark by deportment (a term for conduct/attitude). I was hoping my parents wouldn’t see it but of course they did. I later I learned that my father had gone to the Dean and asked about it, but it was a mystery to everyone.
I was called to the dinner table later that evening and my father asked me about this check mark and I told him that I was tired of being shy and that I didn’t want to be like my Aunt Alma who was a very timid mouse and never seemed to have an answer for a question. I told him that I was doing things so I wouldn’t be shy anymore. I don’t remember a lot more about that conversation, but there was a nod of the head, indicating I was heard and I was dismissed from the table.
There was no reprimand of “Don’t do that anymore” or “How could you embarrass us this way?” Also, I do not remember words of encouragement, such as “Keep on doing that.” And who knows what might have happened should they have said — “Good for you. Go forth and sin — break those rules — you go girl!
So the greatest the blessing was to acknowledge what I said without giving me permission to continue and not asking me to stop. They simply left me in a space where I was at choice on how to move forward. Thus, I felt free to continue my journey towards shifting and being more comfortable in my skin. I am so grateful my home was a haven for me and that I had wise parents.
Finding our way in this world is what metaphysical teachings are about. Listening and acting on the still small voice within can be a challenge, yet more possibilities open to us as we explore options. I realize now that I was supported by the god of my understating even though I had no definition or understanding of the Presence of Love I discovered much later.
So many more adventures showed up as I continued this journey of discovery. In fact, I am still on the journey.
Thanks for reading and I would love to hear from you.*******************
