6 + 2 Highlights for a successful change
Or making the change acceptable
Sometimes life gives us clear signals that remaining unchanged can have significant consequences — from health problems to breakups or losing a job, to name a few. No matter how alarming these signals are, not everyone takes the necessary steps to change. Moreover, the argument “people do not change” looks like an excuse.
Diving more into the reasons for this, fear occupies the top position. Fear of failure, fear of not being able to sustain the change, fear of losing something definite in favor of something unclear and uncertain, and many others.
For me, the statement “people do not change” is false.
I have seen people change behaviors and even their beliefs, based on the experiences or inspired by other instances of success. I have also seen people change their values, especially in extreme situations.
So, I would like to reformulate the above statement as “people would change if…”
— First, they knew how(*) to do it
— Second, others would know how(*) to sustain the process
— Third, everyone would be patient enough.
(*) In my eyes, the “how” should contain all the relevant parts. One component is the “why”. Many will not start the process of change without an apparent “why”; there are also those who consider the “what” more valuable.
So, if you are in a position to change something, for yourself or for a community, here are some helping viewpoints that definitely made my life easier.
Note: All these aspects can be applied to any process of change independent of the context, for instance, your job, your business, your family, your relationships.
Takeaway 1: A disruptive change is not an individual journey
Disruptive change means moving “your” mountains. It could be talking in public or controlling you anger or becoming flexible. Disruptive means venture outside of your known borders.
In bringing about such a challenging change, you need others to support/motivate you or not to interfere with your progress at the very least.
From outside, in some cases, such a process looks very personal and lonely (like a personal discovery journey). Even in such cases, on looking deeper, you will find a parent sustaining you or a friend supporting you with advice, simply motivating you, or sponsoring the journey.
Some examples:
Takeaway 2: You are programmed; so, you can be “un-programmed”.
We have daily, weekly, and yearly rituals, family and work rituals, being happy and being angry rituals, and so on. Every day, almost every moment, I would say, we are a sum of small rituals, with a specific sequence.
We are robots in many aspects. Maybe that’s why we invented robots just like us, as that is all we know. We are so good at routines and rituals.
For change management to realize this aspect is an excellent opportunity — the opportunity to see the change, very neutral, without emotion, as a sum of small ritual changes even if one doesn’t believe in the result from the beginning.
That means you would like to change. Choose one habit, and when that ritual beings to work, apply a different routine. Do it 20–30 times, and you will be surprised to see that the need for that ritual disappears slowly.
Takeaway 3: “Divide and conquer”
If the change is not acceptable to you, you should break it down. I see two advantages in doing this:
One, to be able to digest it
Two, to be able to mentally cope with it.
Takeaway 4: Control the “replacement” (don’t just “un-programm” but “re-programm”)
When you give up a behavior, the place occupied by it earlier in your mind becomes free. So, it is possible for another unwanted behavior to take its place.
A change always has two facets:
A: Going away from something
B: Going to something else.
Depending on the change, the focus is more on either A or B.
Human beings are rather conservative by nature. Most of the time, we run away from a lousy situation instead of looking for opportunities therein. And, by the way, when we run away, we also ensure that the old setting is destroyed. [That’s what Gustave le Bon said back in 1895 in “The Crowd: A Study of the Popular Mind,” which was one of the first books in crowd psychology.]
When “what to follow” is unclear, there is a pendulum effect. The pendulum is “searching” back and forth for a position of equilibrium, based on a restoring force due to gravity.
A similar oscillating process also takes place in the case of change. If
what to follow” is not clear, to be able to stop in that point, the restoring force will move the mass up to the final antonym point of what one would like to eliminate.
My recommendation is, in a changed process, concisely try something and do not get rid of others.
Takeaway 5: Give it a try.
It means two things:
— try it even if you don’t believe in the result from the beginning
— don’t think for 100 days before starting it.
Be aware of one thing: Until you don’t try it out, your internal map is outdated for any situation. So, your GPS will always show “you are out of the road.”
Understand risks (try not to overestimate), give it a chance for a few iterations, and then analyze what went right and what not.
Highlight 6: Be the role model in the change
We have a tendency to follow the ways of others.
The increased volume of “personal development” literature also shows this trend.
An effective way to initiate a change in a community is by changing yourself and inspiring others to follow. This should be before announcing any change. The others will observe, and the group will become more open to the change.
Bonus Highlights
#1: You tried all, and nothing worked.
Most of the time, another change is a prerequisite for the current one. Identify it and start the transition from there.
#2: It’s ok to have second thoughts on the way.
To want to go back, to have second thoughts is normal. I know that I am in significant dissonance with many in saying this.
The issue with going back is that, in many cases, there is no place to go back (as I said, before going out from a context, we take care to destroy it). So, you need to go further or step out. At this moment, supporters are essential, and anyone can be a supporter.
If you are a supporter, step next to the person having second thoughts and support, support, support them until the critical moment is gone. Then, show them the way or challenge them a little until their confidence level comes to normal.
Even though this looks like it is more applicable in the context of jobs, this is really applicable everywhere.
When a disruptive change is not eliminated the near end, the supportive part has, most probably, failed somewhere.
Instead of conclusion:
A change is possible, and it is just a matter of discipline and supportive context.
Some would say, it’s also a matter of willingness. Well, in my view, many times the willingness is a result of a supportive context.
