I talk to guys all the time that struggle with dating. No one feels bad for them. If they ask for help, they get mocked. They get called entitled to want dates. They get told to just “be themselves” and it will all work out. Right.
The #metoo movement scares them. They are afraid to be creepy and thus afraid to approach women. So, they turn to Tinder and online dating where they fail even harder, while all the “fuckbois” snatch up most of the women.
Tinder really messes with their self-image and self-worth way beyond reason. I know this because it happened to me too.
I coach men and have been very successful dating women on tinder and offline. But once I went bald, my matches tanked, and along with it, my self-image. Eventually, I overcame this insecurity and am now a proud bald man, but the truth is, looks matter a lot more on Tinder than they do in real life.
This makes many men believe that women care a lot about their looks, but in person, I have not found that to be the case. Great appearance, style, confidence, and social skills, can make up for lesser genetics when it comes to men.
This is only half the story though.
Enter: The Tinder Algorithm
The early days of Tinder were a gold rush. Fewer guys meant less competition and most of the guys on Tinder had terrible profiles. It was like I hit the jackpot. I was getting 50–100 matches per week. Tinder was letting me swipe ALL RIGHT. Oh, those days were glorious.
Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, and other apps didn’t exist, so Tinder was THE source for dates. And then, slowly…year by year…matches dropped. And then cratered.
Tinder started paid subscriptions and turned free Tinder into a teaser. Tinder started hiding guys that didn’t reach a certain score in an attempt to get them to pay to be seen (see: boost).
Women got inundated with more matches, loads of choices, and men with better profiles. The best looking guys joined and took with them most of the matches.
This isn’t scientific, but I’ve seen reports from guys who ran the numbers. It’s pretty bleak out there.
Until I realized how Tinder was altering their algorithm, my self-esteem definitely took a hit. I thought something was wrong with me or my photos. And I wasn’t alone. Many guys told me this.
Now, being a dating coach and one of the first Tinder members back in 2012, I knew the game and eventually figured out ways to play the new algorithm. I helped my students improve their matches. There are still methods that work in 2019.
But, it’s nothing like 2012, and it’s still hurting guys. This is why I teach guys how to approach women in person despite the #metoo movement. There is a respectful way to approach women, so there is no reason to be afraid. And despite rejection, it’s still way better than getting rejected behind a phone screen and never knowing why. Guys can often tell what went wrong.
So, while my students do very well online, I am always helping them find the courage to approach women because it is real life, not a silly app game. They don’t have to compete with thousands of other men just to be seen. They can walk right up. And show who they are as a man and not just a nanosecond photo snapshot that she has to decide to swipe left or right on.
My advice to guys struggling with their self-image and constant rejection with online dating?
Delete the apps and get out there and talk to women in person.
If you want to learn the right way to approach women, grab your FREE guide here: “How to Approach Women Successfully without Being Creepy”.