1) YOU THINK SHE IS OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE
This is by far the biggest mistake men make in dating. Leagues do not exist. Do more desirable men and women exist? Absolutely. But the concept of leagues implies you are “stuck” in a league. This is totally false. Also, determining what league someone is in is impossible. If you ask women to put a man in a league, you will get many different answers. Same thing if you ask men to decide a woman’s league. There’s also many factors at play.
Which is more desirable to a woman? A homeless man that looks like Channing Tatum or a billionaire that looks like Danny Devito? There’s just way too many things that make up a person and their desirability. Your biggest problem is not the league people put you in (they don’t). It’s the league you artificially put yourself in.
When you label a girl a league “above” you, you automatically remove yourself from her dating pool. Why would she want to date someone lower? Why should she?
The problem is only you decided you were lower. It’s the equivalent of telling a woman you are a loser and then expecting her to give you a chance. Think of yourself as an 11 and you will have much less difficulty attracting women.
2) YOU SEND BORING TEXTS, BORING PROFILE, BORING DATES, BORING, BORING, ZZZZ
Most guys aren’t creepy or weird. They are boring. Very boring. Boring is death to sexual attraction. You are not a boring person. No one is. Guys come off boring because they are afraid of sharing their nerdy hobbies or real personality.
What is boring?
Boring is doing the exact same things as 100s of other guys. “Hi, how are you?” sounds like it should be a normal fine text to send. Men get angry when women don’t respond to that. But if you had a 100 women texting you that, would you respond to all those texts? Of course not. We can’t get bitter because a woman gets a ton of attention and we don’t. We can either complain about it or find a way to attract her.
So, if you send a text or online dating message think: how many other guys are sending this EXACT text? If it’s more than 5, don’t send it. Be unique. You don’t have to do this all the time with women once you get to know them. You just have to stand out in the beginning to get their attention.
Don’t list hobbies on your online dating profile for the same reason. Lists are BORING. Instead, talk to the reader (woman) like you are having a conversation. Tell a story.
On dates, asking questions is fine. Just don’t ask boring questions about work and the weather. Again, the same rule applies. If you think of a question that EVERY date asks her, try not to use it. You don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to do this 100%. But you need to offer some uniqueness.
3) YOU’RE DESPERATE, OVEREAGER, IMPATIENT, OR THIRSTY
A woman’s biggest turnoff is not an ugly guy. It’s a needy desperate guy. You could be a 6’2 model and still have zero success with women if you are needy. Women can smell it. You might as well have leprosy. Just go to instagram and read the comments on a woman’s post. So many thirsty guys. Don’t be like that.
Getting more dates and more success with women will gradually reduce pressure on you a lot. But you have a chicken or the egg problem here. How do you reduce the pressure to get dates if dates are what you need to reduce the pressure?
You need success elsewhere in life. Something to feel good about. Your focus can’t be ONLY on women. The most successful guys with women always have a greater life purpose. Maybe you’re a wizard at something that society mocks like video games. Who cares? Get really good at something and be proud of it. Realize there’s more to life than women. Meditate. Relax. Get more guy friends. Do whatever you need to do to reduce your desperation. And watch less porn.
4) YOU’RE LAZY ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE — BAD HAIRCUT, NO GYM, POOR DRESS, BAD SMELL
This is my only piece of generic advice, but I’m still going to hammer it home because so many guys STILL ignore this. Women care a lot more about appearance than genetics believe it or not. Top 5% genetics? Sure. They will drool over those guys. But everyone else? No, they don’t care. However, they WILL notice a bad haircut, yellow teeth, untrimmed beards, t-shirts and lazy attire, bad smell, bad breath, etc. Get in decent shape.
If you’re not sure if you got these covered, ask a guy friend to be brutally honest with you. This is the easiest, most fixable part of attracting women. If you aren’t fixing these things, you only have yourself to blame. If you ARE doing these things right and still suck, read on.
5) YOU THINK IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, BUT IT’S NOT
Many of us are ego-driven. It’s human nature. We believe the world revolves around us. Not in a spoiled way, but a “if I do something embarrassing everyone will remember” sort of way. No, they won’t. They are focused on themselves. Women flake for fake reasons sure. But they also flake for REAL reasons all the time. If you don’t accept this, then many times you will feel down or blow it, when she actually flaked for a legitimate reason. Understand that she is a person and even if she is very attracted to you, she just doesn’t know you well enough yet.
If she doesn’t respond to your tinder message, she may not have even seen it when her new matches came in. If her dog or family member dies, she may be upset and cancel without telling you why. Same thing if she has a personal medical issue. She may cancel when she is on her period without telling you. She may cancel on you when an ex comes back. Sorry, he has more clout with her than you. That’s just reality. He’s had more time with her. Nothing to do with you.
If she doesn’t respond to your text, her phone died. Or she’s with her friends and doesn’t want to be rude. She may cancel on you to see her best friend. Sorry, her best friend is more important to her than you. Again, nothing to do with you.
Be understanding and have a backup plan like meeting a guy friend for beers. Also, as you get more dates, each flake will matter less and less to you.
Getting ghosted is different and getting many repeated cancellations is a problem with you. But, realize that no matter how successful you become with women, you will always get SOME cancellations because there are legitimate reasons for her to do so.
6) YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT “NICE GUY” REALLY MEANS
When women say they want a “nice guy”, they actually mean a respectful guy instead of a bad boy. They do NOT want a nice guy. A nice guy is needy for her. He does things for her which she did not earn. He overvalues her looks. He shows her way too much attention, mainly based on looks. He has few other dating options.
A bad boy does the opposite, but is an asshole to her. Few women actually like the asshole part. Most women just like the opposite part — the part where the guy doesn’t overvalue her and makes her earn his attention.
Respect is acknowledging a woman’s feelings. It’s not pushing her boundaries. It’s protecting her from other predatory guys. It’s treating her as a human being and not an object. You will never hear a woman say “he respected me too much”. But they say all the time, “He was too nice. I didn’t feel a spark.”
7) YOU TRY TO GO EXCLUSIVE TOO EARLY
This is a major signal to her that you don’t have other dating options. Guys with lots of options wait to go exclusive for the highest quality woman. People don’t go to the club with the empty line and no one inside. They go to the club with a long line outside. You are telegraphing to her that no one goes to your club. You’re offering her free VIP access. That’s going to kill attraction.
She wants the in-demand guy. She wants to “catch” you. Most desirable men have many dating options so they don’t want commitment. This is why women are so attracted to men that won’t date them exclusively and this is the biggest dating challenge for women.
If you want to go exclusive with a woman, show her the opportunity is there, but let her bring it up and close the deal. You can say “I’m looking for an exclusive relationship when I find the right woman.” Then, give her signals that she might be the right woman and let her make the effort to show you that she IS the right woman. Let her “close the deal” and lock you down as the boyfriend.
8) YOU PLAY TOO ALOOF, DON’T SMILE, OR LOOK UNFRIENDLY
This is the opposite of #3 and swinging too far in the opposite wrong direction. Play aloof and she will think you are not interested and she will feel rejection. This goes for both in-person and through text. When a woman feels rejected, she’s likely to shut you down to protect her ego.
When you don’t smile or look friendly, you can give off a creepy or insecure vibe, a boring vibe, or a depressed vibe. None of those are attractive. So, don’t ignore her. Don’t wait 3 days to contact after getting her number. Find a middle ground between showing her too much attention and too little.
You want to show you are a confident man with many dating options, so you are both interested in her, but will not be frustrated if she rejects you. You will just move onto the next, more interested woman. She will sense your ability to move on and your non-attachment to her and that will be very attractive.
9) YOU THINK ALL WOMEN ARE THE SAME AND WANT THE SAME THINGS
Tons of message boards and forums will claim all women want the same things. Especially when it comes to looks, money, or status. This couldn’t be further from the truth. For both men and women, there are certain categories of preference which can be helpful, but ultimately each person is an individual with individual experiences and desires.
Focus on getting to know each woman and stop assuming you know what she wants. This is a big mistake which kills your chances. Get to know what she really wants in a man, not her superficial “type” that she “thinks” she wants. To do this, ask her deeper questions about herself and show that you care to learn those things. You will then find you can connect with women on a deeper level and they will be more interested in you.
10) YOU ARE AFRAID TO APPROACH
The #metoo movement has made men afraid to approach and “creep” women out. So, you resort to online dating where you barely even get your profile seen, rarely get matches, women don’t respond to messages, and you have to compete with 1000s of other men. When you walk up to a woman, how many men are you competing with to speak with her at that moment? ZERO.
Approaching a woman is not creepy. Approaching a woman in a creepy way is. This is why women hate it. They tell guys to STOP approaching. They are tired of getting hassled. Most guys approach in a creepy or overaggressive way. Learn how to approach the right way and you will never have this problem. Your biggest mistake with women is not giving yourself enough chances to succeed. Approach women more.
If you want to learn the right way to approach women, grab your FREE guide here: “How to Approach Women Successfully without Being Creepy”.
P.S. If you liked this, give me at least 10 claps for good luck ;)