The 9 Biggest Threats to Marriage Ever Ever Lots

That you never thought about enough. Because pirates.

1. Raptor Attacks: A totally unscientific poll of facebook users has conclusively shown that the number one threat to a relationship is the general unpreparedness of the public for raptor attacks. While prevention measures have been established and in place for years, few people bother to prepare themselves until it is too late.
2. Love Ninjas: You never see them coming, and then they kill you with cuteness, and the rest is history.
3. Robot Armies: Easily defeated with the self-destruct button. Now you know.

4. Apeirophobia- Fear of infinity. Uncurable, unfortunately.

5. Numbered Lists of Marriage Advice: generally inadvisable, as they undermine successful relationships with contradictory advice.

6. Children: Do I really need to explain this one?

7. Ksenia Anske. She’s not actually a threat to marriage, but I just think she’s awesome and I felt like putting her in this list. Although, after you read her novels, she may well be a threat to your marriage.

8. Toothpaste tubes: Save yourself trouble and buy one for each person in the marriage. Keep an extra supply. Do this also for toilet paper, coffee mugs, and socks. Thank me at your golden anniversary.

9. Marriage. By far the number one threat to your relationship. Don’t say you weren’t warned.