Dracula’s Die-ry
A look into the nights of a vampire who prefers puns over the correct spelling
Dear Die-ry,
Drained another virgin today. She didn’t half moan about it though.
Bloody virgins.
Dear Die-ry,
Another night completely spent in my castle. Boring.
Might get a Nintendo Wii.
Dear Die-ry,
The bloody brides again.
Can you believe it, they think I should get a proper job.
I’m like, I’m the COUNT. I don’t need a job!
Also, they should stop bothering my guests.
It's getting embarrassing.
Dear Die-ry,
Van Helsing sent me an angry email.
I didn’t reply.
MUAHAHAHA!
Dear Die-ry,
The brides told me to go on a diet.
After coming up with a clever pun and seeing their glare, I reinforced the idea that I didn’t need one.
Then they reminded me about how I found it harder to climb up the castle walls like a lizard, now looking more like a constipated climbing pug.
Bloody cheek!
I told them I would cut back on the virgins.
Dear Die-ry,
Contrary to popular belief, I am not dead and loving it.
Not these days anyway.
Although I’ve quite got into golf.
Dear Die-ry,
Whoever thought eternal life would be so dull?
I said that to the brides, and they said, ‘well it is, living with you.’
I’m glad they live in a pit.
Dear Die-ry,
My brides recently said I’m sexist.
I said, I know, I am the sexiest!
Ha, I’m a genius.
Dear Die-ry,
I got a parcel of garlic shoved through my letterbox.
I’m beginning to think the Translvaniens don’t like me very much.
