CHRISTMAS TALES
Krampus vs Santa Claus: The Fight to End All Fights
When Krampus and Santa Claus face-off, with the fate of everybody’s Christmas cheer on the line, can Santa emerge victorious and save Christmas? Or will Krampus ruin it for everyone? Stay tuned, and find out.
An icy wind howled through Santa's chimney, but nobody noticed. The unusual wrestling match happening in the den was too enthralling. Too captivating. Too important to worry about a slight chill whipping through the house.
All the elves surrounded a makeshift wrestling ring, placing bets on who they thought would win — Santa or Krampus. The smart money was on the old horned beats, but Santa was quick when he wanted to pin you down, as all the little elves could attest to.
Mrs. Claus had no interest in the match. She’d watch the two of them wrestle around her bed later, but that’s a story for another time. One when the youngsters have already gone to bed. Mrs. Claus kept to her baking. She needed to finish making her special reindeer pie for Santa’s Christmas Eve trip. She secretly hoped it wouldn’t be foggy this year because she had ground up Rudolph's nose, ever so bright, with the rest of him in the meat pie. That little bitch wouldn’t stop shining his light on her when she was in the outhouse. Enough is enough.
The match had started fast, with the much larger Krampus dominating the early minutes of the fight. He easily took the jolly old fat man to the ground and began beating the living shit out of him with his massive cloven hooves.
But Santa was a master of the ground game and quickly caught Krampus off guard and secured him in his patented Santa’s Sleeper. Unfortunately for Santa, Krampus wasn’t sleepy and easily broke the hold.
The match continued for what seemed like an eternity, a seesaw battle between the brute strength and cunning of the beast and Santa’s battle-hardened mat skills. The battle was taking its toll on both men, and when Santa dropped to one knee in exhaustion, Krampus saw his chance. He sprang recklessly at Santa, but the wiley old man had an ace up his sleeve. As the beast charged in, Santa slipped to one side and tripped his massive foe. Krampus fell face first and slid across the ring, with Santa riding his back like a mule. Taking a page out of the playbook of his old wrestling partner, The Iron Shiek, and wrapped Krampus up in the famed Camel Clutch.
As Krampus reluctantly tapped out, the elves erupted into cheers — at least the ones who’d bet on the jolly old fool — and Santa and Krampus hugged it out. Never leave a match angry is Santa’s motto. Always remain friends. Life is too short for petty differences.
And with his resounding win, Santa proved conclusively that Die Hard is indeed a Christmas movie.
This story was loosely based on Zane Dickens the Instigator writing prompt, Writing Prompt: The Man in the Chimney.
Paul Mansfield is a writer, a photographer, a guitar player, a philosopher — some he does well, some not so well, but he still tries them all. You can follow him on Twitter @pmansfield.
Another story by Paul.
