How to Tweet like Trump

Step 1

Pick something or someone to insult. This can be anything. Don’t hold yourself back.

Favorite topics, however, include Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Mitt Romney, and anyone with any connection to the Republican Establishment. Even the establishment itself. Any single reporter who ever uttered the name “Donald Trump” — much like Beetle Juice — especially if he or she is part of Fox News, is also fair game.

It will also behoove you to proceed this name with a derogatory describing word. Some have already been established, such as “lightweight Rubio” or “Little Marco.” However, also calling someone failing, disastrous, a phony, and dumb will also do the trick.

Lightweight Rubio and phony Republican Establishment all in a single tweet?? Boom!

Anyone else see this as a great grammar learning tool for children?

Step 2

After you have picked the person or thing that will be the topic of your insulting tweet, point out how this thing or person is wrong. This part can be tricky, though. You don’t want to give any real rational reason as to how the something or someone is wrong. Simply imply the wrongness without going into too much depth.

Here is a pristine example. See, the Wall Street Journal is wrong. But how??? Clearly it’s something with their polls and editors, but no link to any article or specific reasons given. We’ll just have to take Donald J. Trumps word for it, I guess!

Perhaps if he simply tagged the WSJ instead of also spelling out “Wall Street Journal” he’d have characters left to tell us? One can only guess and I digress.

Please note the negative describing word of “failing” before the “WSJ.” Consistency, much unlike his candidacy, is key.

Step 3

End the tweet with either one or two words that have a negative or sarcastic connotation. Make sure this word fits into the vocabulary of a child no older than 7 years old. Some examples include: Loser, idiot, dope, sad, and choker.