Is it the 2016 election or another season of The Bachelor?
Today is another big day in the 2016 election. The good people of Florida, Illinois, Missouri, and Ohio cast their votes for the winner of The Bachelor Season 20…I mean president of the United States.
Wait what? Aren’t they pretty much the same thing?
Last night Bachelor Ben Higgins proposed to the love of his life, Lauren B. and sent runner-up JoJo packing, only for her to find out she gets to date 25 more people as ABC’s next Bachelorette.
Meanwhile, America is on a similar journey, but rather than looking for love, we are looking for leadership.
America is The Bachelor. We began our journey with about the same amount of candidates as the Bachelor began with contestants (25). After each episode, errr primary/caucus, we see more drama than the one before.
The Bachelor is all about ratings. And this primary seems to be the same. The contestants always says the most outrageous things on The Bachelor. Just. Like. Donald. (And actually now, pretty much all of them. Marco Rubio talking crap about Donald’s hands? Pretty outrageous.) The ones that are the most outrageous usually stick around for a long time, and immensely boost ratings. Just. Like. Donald. Case in point:
Olivia: Amanda being a single mom is just like an episode of Teen Mom. Ben deserves better than that.
Donald: I can shoot people on 5th Avenue and still win the presidency.
Yet the Bachelor KEEPS GIVING the villain the rose just like America keeps giving Donald the vote.
Still not convinced the presidential primary and The Bachelor are the EXACT SAME THING?
1. The villain
Donald Trump. (Or in this season, Olivia.) There is always at least one girl or guy on the show that is painted as the villain. The other contestants hate him/her and try to convince America (I mean the Bachelor) why they shouldn’t vote for her. I mean give her a rose. Whatever, you get what I’m saying. Just like all of our candidates have hated on Donald Trump, consistently warning the people of America of the dire consequences of a Donald Trump presidency, The Bachelor contestants always warn the Bachelor of the one who is not here for the right reasons. DONALD TRUMP IS NOT HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS, BEN. I MEAN AMERICA.
Also, sometimes the villain wins. Vienna won Bachelor Jake’s heart. Courtney won Bachelor Ben F’s heart. (Both have broken up.) Donald seems to be winning America’s heart.
2. The nobody, AKA the Jim Gilmore
There’s always someone on the Bachelor who sticks around for way too long and America never even learns their name. I’m not entirely convinced the Bachelor even knows their names sometimes. Ben’s season had Jennifer. Chris Soules’ season had Samantha. America had Jim Gilmore.
3. The underdog everyone loves but knows isn’t going to win
The nice guy. The girl next door. The one everyone wants to receive the final rose but knows there’s no chance. The Caila. Ben’s second runner-up, Caila was so sweet and loved (she even had a shot at The Bachelorette for a little bit before Chris Harrison ripped it away and gave it instead to JoJo.)
The Marco Rubio. He’s the guy the party elites seem to want to receive the final rose, but it’s Just. Not. Happening. America (aka the Bachelor) will keep you around for awhile, because we like the idea of you, but you won’t win our hearts, unfortunately.
4. The wait, haven’t we seen you before contestant
Bachelor Nation likes to fall in love with a contestant and keep giving them chances to find love. One lucky contestant gets to be the Bachelorette after failing to get the rose on The Bachelor. Sometimes, contestants show up for multiple seasons. We had Nick Viall on Kaitlyn and Andi’s season (getting second place in BOTH). We had Becca and Amber both show up on Chris’ season and again for Ben. We had Brad Womack be the Bachelor not once…but TWICE (and still end up single).
And then we have Hillary Clinton. Clinton had an unsuccessful bid for president in 2008 and she’s already been in the White House once before, as First Lady. Much like two-time Brad Womack needed to GIVE IT UP, I can say the same for Hillary.
5. The one that gets a TV show (or writes a book)
After being on The Bachelor, there are a ton of opportunities for fame to follow. Allie Fedotowsky went on to become a TV host and have a famous blog. Ashley I. from Chris’ season is now blogging for Cosmopolitan. Mike Huckabee had a failed run in 2008 and got a Fox News show out of it. Emily Maynard just wrote a book about being on the Bachelorette. Andi Dorfman has a book coming out. Ben Carson wrote a book. Mike Huckabee wrote a book. Hillary Clinton wrote a book. They’ll all write books. The opportunities are endless!
6. The Funny But Always Drunk One
On the first night, it seems there’s always at least one contestant that takes a little too much advantage of the free drinks Bachelor staff gives away that first night. Ben’s season had the one girl that basically fell over at the first rose ceremony (can’t remember her name). Ben’s season also had Jordan who got drunk all the time only to try to come back a few weeks later. Kaitlyn’s season had that drunk guy on the first night (can’t remember his name either but he went skinny dipping).
America had Lindsey Graham. He had the best one liners, but man did the guy like to drink. I liked it, but America decided he might not be the marrying kind (he is also single), and sent him packing.
7. The one that has a compelling story, is a little crazy, and we love to hate
This contestant is usually the one who’s a little crazy but we still love them. Ben’s season’s love-to-hate was Jubilee. She was a veteran who had a tough time opening up. She got a little crazy toward Ben, but we forgave her. She offered a lot of complexity and brought a deeper side to the show, but ultimately, Ben knew she wouldn’t be the right pick.
In the Race to the White House Season 2016, we have Bernie Sanders. Let’s be real, he’s definitely a little crazy (known for his bold, loud, yell-rants) but he still has something very loveable about him. I’d never give him the final rose, but he’s definitely brought a different side to this election and brought a lot of issues to the table.
8. The one America wants to want because they’re there for the right reasons but it’s just not their time
A lot of times this is a single parent, like Amanda on Ben’s season. America (and Ben) loved her, really wanted it to work for her but just couldn’t make it work. Oh and family is the most talked about in regards to this contestant. In the 2016 election, we have Jeb Bush. At the beginning, it seemed like he’d be a top contender, but ultimately America couldn’t stop talking about his family and decided it wasn’t his time.
9. The one who really surprises you
I loved JoJo this season right from the beginning, but I did NOT see her making it to the final two at first. She slowly got more air time and more time with the Bachelor and the more time she got, the more of a front-runner she became. In Chris Soules’ season, there was Whitney. She seemed like a viable contestant the whole time, but I did not expect her to take home the final rose (and the big ring).
For me this would have to be Ted Cruz. I hate that I am comparing JoJo to Ted Cruz because JoJo was my favorite and Ted Cruz is...not. (But they are both from Texas.) In all reality though, it makes sense. Just like I did not expect JoJo to become a real contender, I did not expect Ted Cruz to be the only one really giving Trump a run for his money.
10. The one that just makes sense
A lot of times there are a few contestants that are just the whole package, smart, nice, funny, pretty, etc. Both of the Laurens fit this bill in Ben’s season. Cute, sweet, funny, gorgeous blondes. One was a kindergarten teacher. They just make sense to be the final pick, as they seem to be “the whole package.”
In America’s case, this candidate is John Kasich. He has experience as both a governor and a congressman, hails as a conservative from Ohio, and would be backed by the establishment. In Lauren B’s case, this got her the final rose. We have yet to see if there is a way John Kasich can make his case to earn America’s final rose.
Well there you have it folks. Not only is a reality television star a front-runner in the 2016 presidential primary, the presidential primary is basically a reality television show.
We made it through to the final rose in the Bachelor.
Now we wait and see — who will win America’s heart and take home the final rose?
