Member-only story
NOT LIVING HER BEST LIFE ANYMORE
Be Careful Out There — Do Not Become A Hospice Wife
Know the details of their lives before marrying anyone.
The Situation
When my friend Clara* turned 50, she had a job she enjoyed. She ran half marathons for fun, and our small friend group regularly met for drinks either out or at our homes.
She would travel to see other friends out of town and was happy with her life. Clara was the person in our group who made self-care a priority. She often fussed at the rest of us, saying we were not taking great care of ourselves.
Clara constantly suggested fun activities. She found the Chicago mystery train trip and planned the Napa Valley wine tours. We loved that Clara was traveling, dating, and living the life she wanted.
New Love
Then, she met a man, Richard*, who was 12 years older than her. Theirs was a whirlwind romance. We met him during their courtship; he was everything she said he was. He treated us like we were old friends.
Richard was handsome, charming, and intelligent. He was a bit too charming. But, it was a don’t ask, don’t tell unless asked. If you look up the phrase “suspicious bitch” in a dictionary, you will find my picture. Until she asked my opinion, I kept it to myself. I wish I had spoken up earlier.
Clara’s first marriage ended ten years ago, and it took her four years to get back into the dating scene. She met interesting men but never anyone she would consider marrying.
Then, Richard entered her world. This never-married, attractive man came with the right words, flowers, presents, and trips. He love-bombed Clara for three months, proposed, and married her two months after the proposal. It was a real, live, love-at-first-sight whirlwind romance, or so we, including Clara, all thought.
After Richard proposed, Clara finally asked her three old friends what they thought. One friend thought everything was fine and dandy. Two of us, and I was one of them, cautioned her about the speed at which she was moving. I stepped into my role as the steely-eyed, practical engineering friend.
