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From Echoism to Empowerment
Embracing Vulnerability and True Self
I recently re-read an article about “echoism,” a relatively unknown psychology term. The reverse of narcissism, echoism is a trait, not a condition. There are no diagnoses to reference in the DSM-5.
In Dr. Craig Malcolm’s words, echoism is best thought of as a survival strategy:
“If I want to be safe and loved, I need to make sure I ask as little from people as possible (and give as much as I can).” Echoists learn, growing up, that they can’t turn to people when they’re sad or scared or lonely and trust that people will soothe them (a problem called attachment insecurity), so they bury their needs hoping they’ll be accepted and loved because they demand so little…”
This hit my psyche like a sledgehammer.
In childhood and in my marriage, I did not assert my needs
I never shared when I was lonely, scared, or insecure. I worried I was a burden.
In college, I became aloof—the cool girl—just one of the guys. And I had tons of guy friends. I prided myself on not being needy or clingy. In fact, no one would have known back in those days that I was open to having a relationship. If I acted cool enough, as if I were OK on my own, I might escape big…
