How I Survived Being in a “Mixed-Weight” Relationship

Overcoming toxic stereotypes labeling me the “elephant” in my marriage

My husband and me on our wedding day. I had lost twenty pounds and still wore a size sixteen wedding dress. Photo by my mother.

I met my husband, Kevin, when I was a freshman at Duke University, and he was a rising senior. He had bright dimples and sparkling hazel eyes. We were instantly smitten, necking anytime we stopped at red lights. Young love couldn’t have been sweeter.

Everything glimmered in effervescence. The world was our oyster, and we consumed it. Little did I know society was watching exactly how many oysters I was eating…

A year into our relationship, after a group dinner, my roommate said her friend told her Kevin and I were “an interesting couple.”

“How so?” I responded. Did she mean because I’m a Latina and Kevin’s pasty white? I, myself, was concerned about how much sunscreen he’d have to apply in the Florida sun, but I pushed those worries away in the face of young love.

“You know, because you are bigger than him,” she said bluntly.

I was so taken aback I didn’t know how to respond. This was a fair assessment of the situation. Kevin was six feet tall, lean, and lanky. I had a round face and an apple body. But it was never an issue in our relationship, and it was not something I’d thought about.