To Date or Not to Date? (Midlife Love 1/6)
Musings on My 54th Birthday
I am having a pity party on my birthday, which happens to fall on Epiphany, the day divine light guided the Magi to Bethlehem.
I am disappointed and surprised to discover I am stuck on the same question as last year and the year before.
To date or not to date?
I need a small “e” epiphany, a moment of great or sudden revelation.
Despite my full life, tonight I feel undernourished. Invisible. Like I continue to exist solely to serve others.
Why?
My central paradox, the deep yearning for a partner, competes with the safety I harbor by remaining single. Maintaining the peace is still my strongest impulse in this houseful of teenage angst.
Should I ask my therapist?
Last month, she gasped when I walked out her door saying,
“You know, I haven’t had a single date since my divorce. Maybe we should talk about that next time.”
“Why?”
“So many reasons I might explode.”
She emailed that afternoon,
“How do you feel about starting back for regular sessions?”
