M-E-N-O-P-A-U-S-E. Isn’t it time we talk about it?
I can tell you everything there is to know about starting that time of the month, but I can barely tell you anything about ending it.
Sweat dripped off my forehead as I grumbled, changing clothes for the third time, ignoring the growing pile of damp laundry next to me.
You would’ve thought I had just run several miles, but it was just The Perimenopause 5K. And let me tell you, it’s one hell of a race.
All I wanted to do was move to Antarctica and layout in a bikini on an iceberg to celebrate my small accomplishment of surviving three hot flashes in a row.
And then THE phone call came in.
“Is this Ms. Tyler?” the unusually pleasant voice on the other end asked.
Normally, I would hang up or pretend Ms. Tyler was dead. Good thing I didn’t. Karma’s a *itch.
“This is,” I responded.
“Hope you’re having a wonderful afternoon, Ms. Tyler. My name is Linda and I would like to take a moment to talk to you about something very important.”
I fanned myself, trying to be polite while waiting for the expected solicitation from the fire department or police ball.
Unfortunately, this caller wasn’t looking to help with lifesaving measures.
Rather, death-saving measures.
“Ms. Tyler, I would like to talk to you about the importance of planning your final burial expenses.”
“She can’t be serious!!!” I internally screamed.
The marketing calls I had been getting since I turned 50 were insane, and this one was the icing on the cake. I went silent as I pondered how to get off the damn middle-aged marketing list.
“Ms. Tyler, are you still there?”
That’s when any sense of sanity left the room, replaced by the need for an exorcist.
“Are you kidding, Linda? Look, Linda, it’s hot. Very hot. Do you know how hot it is here today?”
“No ma’am, I’m sorry. I do not.”
“Linda, I’m sitting here sweating my ass off with hot flashes and you’ve interrupted me. Don’t interrupt 50-year-olds. We really don’t like to be bothered. The only funeral I’m interested in is a funeral for my period! Can you arrange for expenses for that?”
There was an awkward pause on the other end.
I expected the telemarketer to hang up on me, but she didn’t. In fact, in that sweaty moment, she felt like the nicest person I’d ever met. My new perimenopause best friend.
“Ohhhh! I’ve been there. I understand,” she said with a tone of compassion in her voice. “Have you tried black cohosh? That always helped me.”
That’s when I realized I was now a part of the club I never knew existed. The Menopause Club. Unfortunately, it’s a club no one talks about.
Why aren’t we talking about menopause?
I simply don’t get it. We all go through menopause. So why don’t we discuss it? Why is it such a secret?
The only solace I’ve found is talking to other women who are going through or have been through it. Understanding that is half the battle.
I just wish I had known that sooner.
You see, I was led to believe that no one was supposed to talk about menopause. It was a hush-hush topic, reserved for conversations with doctors behind closed doors.
I could tell you everything there is to know about starting your period, but I could barely tell you anything about ending it.
The thing is, all of my beliefs about keeping it quiet were wrong.
Most women WILL talk about menopause.
You might have to talk to them privately or discreetly, but they will talk about it. The reason they don’t talk about it is because no one brings it up.
Like me, they think it’s a secret.
There are other women out there who are sweating, flying off the handle, and trying to make sense of the strange realities of middle-aged life.
It’s not just me who feels crazy. We are all crazy right now!
Unfortunately, we are all so busy trying to feel younger that we have created some kind of stigma attached to menopause.
That’s a problem.
There’s great comfort in numbers, but many women don’t know that because they are trying to hide this very natural thing.
We talk about getting our periods, having babies, breastfeeding, and raising children. But we don’t talk about the next part of our lives — the after-effects.
This is the time in life when properness should be thrown to the side, and replaced by survival skills.
Wisdom from other women.
There are so many things I didn’t know about menopause and perimenopause until I opened up. I didn’t know that:
- Perimenopause can give you brain fog. You’re not losing your mind, your hormones are just whacked.
- Your periods may get closer together instead of farther apart. (Lately, mine comes every two to three weeks.)
- You might get headaches and you might have to tinkle — a lot. It sucks.
- Spicy foods can trigger hot flashes. So don’t order that favorite Mexican dinner with jalapeños! Bad move.
- You might get a weird taste in your mouth. (That happens to me sometimes.)
These are not things I learned from doctors. I learned them from OTHER WOMEN. But if I hadn’t opened up, I would still be in the dark.
The only thing I learned from doctors is that my hormones are out of balance, hot flashes are normal and the average age of menopause is 51 or 52. Everything else was a mystery.
And there’s more.
There’s a huge psychological aspect of going through “the change.” We are losing a big part of what we’ve known.
It’s a weird feeling when you start to age out of something you take for granted. It can feel quite traumatic.
Having a period is a big part of life. Leaving it is a scary thing. It makes you question who you are — and what’s next.
It’s not as simple for a lot of us. If we don’t talk about it, how are we going to learn and grow? Every day that I’m struggling, I wonder this: Why don’t we have sex ed for middle-aged women?
So…
Let’s change the game and talk about menopause. We all go through it. Why should we have to go through it alone?
And with that, I’m off to change clothes for the third time today. Apparently, stress causes hot flashes, and talking about this stresses me out.
Hmmm… I guess even in perimenopause everything happens in threes. Good to know.
Suzanne Tyler writes about body positivity, happiness, her experiences with OCD/anxiety and the humorous (and sometimes heartbreaking) journey of life.
