Online Dating at 45
How I navigated the crap shoot and won.
I’m looking at a picture on my phone. The man has a sweatband on his wrist and his wrist on his guitar strings. His slim forearm mirrors the width of the guitar's neck. His stance and intensity speak of heavy metal or classic rock.
If you pick apart those four sentences, I’ve given you a lot of clues to the things I didn’t look for in a man. But at forty-five, my picker was more mature, creative, and desperate. It was odd for me to vacillate on which direction I would swipe this picture: to the left to discard or to the right to keep.
But vacillate, I did.
I had been on and off dating apps since my divorce three years earlier.
On when I was bored or feeling the need for male attention. (More witty banter and paying for meals than foreplay).
Off when I found myself overwhelmed, addicted, or jaded.
During the off times, I’d delete the app, knowing full well I’d be back before the end of the week. When I returned, the app was reloaded, and the cycle of boundary setting began again.
- This time, I will text with just one man at a time, two tops. I will not lapse into confusion about who I’m texting with or accidentally ask the same man the same question three times.
