I feel like quitting. Quite a lot, it seems. I finally found my purpose in life but sometimes it feels too hard. Like right now.
The door to my dreams is about to open, and I am scared. I want to run and hide. But why? Maybe, I fear success, or can it be failure?
Doubt is rearing its ugly head, and I want to turn tail. I feel inadequate for the task at hand. To carry out the mission of Middle-Pause.
Helping encourage, inspire, and empower women in the middle of their lives to find meaning and purpose. Those in adversity who are seeking answers. Women who need healing in their minds, body, and spirit.
But my question is: Who do I think I am?
Definitely not quality material. I’ve been washed up, stomped down, and strung out so many times I can’t think straight. What am I to do?
I read, pray, write, and speak. In the past, I spoke through my fingers, today; I speak through my podcast. But how did I get here?
First, I prayed for a vision. Second, I found like-minded committed women. Third, we created a community, a sisterhood, called Middle-Pause. Together, they keep me going.
I spent my entire teenage years and adult life caring for others. I began taking care of my brothers at age twelve, then moved to my own at seventeen. Five kids later, I embraced giving care to my mother, and now I am raising three grandchildren.
Caregiving is a way of life for me. But, somehow, I wanted to reach further and do more. To impact the lives of women who are struggling.
After praying for several years, and feeling worthless and defeated, an answer manifested in my consciousness. Do what is in your hands to do. “I already do that,” I told God. Then He responded, (by that I mean impressed on my spirit) you have two hands and you can speak.
And I did. I started writing, speaking through my fingers!
Then, I created Middle-Pause Publication after a conversation with Shaunta Grimes, and I told stories about my life. Later, I opened up the publication to receive submissions. Today, we have hundreds of followers and dozens of writers.
What more could I ask? Middle-Pause kept me from quitting. But that is not the end of the story.
I realized that I could not continue to write and edit the submissions without help. I was overwhelmed, but I did not want to abandon my readers and writers.
Therefore, I sought a few like-minded women that I felt would be a good fit. (Ooh, the pitch we pitch to all the pubs we pitch.)
Anyway, when I was in my workshops, focus groups, or on Facebook, I kept an eye out or hear out for women I felt drawn to. Guess what? I reached out to Meg Stewart, who agreed to help me edit. Plus, she is a tech guru, extraordinaire!
Afterward, I read some of the most energizing, funny, and expressive words I ever laid eyes or heart on. Marilyn Flower is one of my favorite writers. I wanna write like Marilyn when I grow up. When I asked her to join the team, she graciously accepted.
The third lady that wandered across my radar screen is Margie Pearl, a feisty, bubbling bundle of joy. I knew right away she was the third spoke to our wheel. Margie runs to and fro fixing what’s broken and piecing the puzzle together. I discovered her family is in the media, just what we needed. Margie, the Merry Minion was born!
These three women keep me going when I want to quit.
Middle-Pause has blossomed into a community, no, a sisterhood of women who are stronger together. We laugh and love each other into joy. There is no one else or nowhere else like us.
We support and empower one another to act. We write, comment, email, and Zoom ourselves into the lives of others.
All the writers and readers of Middle-Pause are the sisters I longed to have. Now, I have an abundance of them. I am blessed beyond measure.
Please, tell your sisters, aunties, friends, mothers, daughters, or any other women who hold a special place in your hearts that Middle-Pause is a place to love and be loved. We embrace and accept you, faults, and all.
Idiosyncrasies, welcome. I love variety; it is the spice of life. Young, old, short and tall, all for one and one for all! Read, read, read each other’s posts. Comment and become engaged.
My sisters are the reason I have not quit.
To introduce the final, last, (maybe not quite) piece to Middle-Pause is our podcast, STOMP!: Stronger Together on Middle-Pause. I presented the idea to my team, and they wholeheartedly agreed it was a worthy venture.
When discussing a name or theme for the podcast, Marilyn Flower blurted out WOMP. What the heck? Women of Middle-Pause. We tossed that one around for a week but decided it lacked luster. Then someone (Marilyn again, I think)suggested our current name.
So, here we are, women of vision, commitment, community. They are the ones who keep me going when I want to quit.
Maybe they can do the same for you!
Debbie Walker is a great-grandmother, blogger, and writer with a BA in Psychology. Her vision is to encourage, inspire, and empower others to lead fulfilled lives. She is the creator of Middle-Pause Publication, and STOMP!, a podcast for women, and is writing a Breath Prayer Devotional. Stay in touch at email@example.com; follow her on Twitter; & Pinterest; listen to the podcast, STOMP!