Member-only story
When Your Friend Isn’t the Friend You Thought She Was
What to do when your friendship turns one-sided
I met a friend at a cafe last week; let’s call her Jan. I hadn’t seen her for about a year and was looking forward to catching up. We settled into our comfortable wingback chairs with our steaming mugs of tea and started sharing what we’ve been up to.
Jan filled me in on her day-to-day life and her writing, which was wonderful to hear. As I started telling her about my books and my life in New Mexico, she leapt up and went into another room to speak with someone at the front counter.
I let it slide. We often remember things with a sudden burst of energy, so I figured she needed to sort something out with the owner of the shop.
She sat back down, and we continued our conversation. For the second time, while I was literally in the middle of a sentence, she pulled out her phone and started looking at her emails. I stopped talking and watched her going through her messages. She completely ignored me as she mumbled to herself and scrolled through her cell.
I was aghast. I realize some people are not good listeners, but I was completely taken aback by the way she abruptly tuned me out and ignored what I was saying.
I debated on whether or not to say anything, but opted to stay silent and watch with fascination as she ignored me. Afterward, when I got back to my place, I thought about what happened and came to a few conclusions.
Rudeness is rudeness
We all get distracted, and we all have our moments when we’re not completely present, but picking up your phone and looking at it while your friend is in the middle of a sentence is bad manners. There’s no other way about it.
Her actions were like a slap in the face. Jan made it clear that she didn’t want to hear what I was saying; she only wanted me to listen to her.
Jan is free to be who she is, and she can do whatever she wants. I can’t control other people’s actions. But do I want to continue a friendship with someone who’s so one-sided?
