A Visit to the Dentist
A tall tale of my experience at the dental clinic
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, my mouth wide open. What I saw made me concerned. My teeth were yellow like a highlighter that’s been used to death by a nerd cramming for finals. If that wasn’t enough, two of my molars had craters that looked like they could host a lunar mission.
I knew it was time to visit the dentist!
Out of nowhere, I get an Instagram ad for a tooth cleaning service near my area, as if the algorithm had read my mind. It didn’t surprise me much because this wasn’t the first time it had happened.
“It’s become a pretty common thing now,” I thought. But how did it know to show me that specific ad when I hadn’t even spoken about it? I brushed off my conspiratorial thoughts and clicked on the ad. I booked an appointment for the next day. The countdown had begun.
Tick tock….Tick tock!!
I’d always dreaded going to hospitals and doctor appointments, let alone the dentist. Rightly so, as I still have flashbacks of that time I had to get a tooth removed as a kid. The kind of trauma that digs deep into your core memory.
The dials raced like Formula 1 cars, and my fateful day arrived. It was time!
I mustered some courage and swallowed in a dry throat. I gave myself a pep talk that would have made even David Goggins proud. I tried everything in my power to convince myself. It was a battle between my two selves: one insisting I needed to do this for the sake of my dental health, and the other warning me of the impending doom, about to face a Kraken.
I stepped in, the room was so bright I’d have started to sing hymns as if I were already dead and heading to the afterlife. It was only when the receptionist greeted me with her winter-white teeth that broke my trance. She smiled revealing teeth that were almost too white, like she’d never encountered a highlighter or a cavity in her life.
I sat down and tried to calm my nerves by flipping through an ancient magazine, but all I could see were pictures of people with perfect, gleaming teeth mocking me. Cherry on top were those pesky wall diagrams of the human dental anatomy that were straight out of a 20th-century science magazine.
When my name was called, I felt like I was being led to the guillotine. As I walked onto my altar, I mean into the dentist’s office, the sound of the drill echoed like the menacing theme from an 80s horror flick.
The dentist’s chair looked like a medieval torture device, and the bright overhead light made me blind as a bat. Yet again, the dentist with her impossibly perfect teeth, smiled reassuringly. “This won’t hurt a bit,” she said, which, of course, I knew was a poorly comforting lie.
She examined my mouth and said, “Looks like we’ve got some work to do here.” Her tools gleamed ominously. They stared at me with invisible eyes. I clenched the armrests, prepared for the worst. As she worked, I felt every vibration through my entire body. It was like an earthquake centered in my mouth.
I opened my eyes into slits, to get the slightest glimpse of her oblong face hovering right over me. One of the most horrific sights a helpless man like me could endure. The thin face mask complemented her affright features.
If there were a God out there, I believed in him now, and I prayed for him to end this entire ordeal asap. And then, my prayers were finally heard. After what felt like an eternity, she finished. “All done,” she said with a wide grin as if she hadn’t just put me through a dental version of The Silence of the Lambs.
I left the clinic with my teeth feeling cleaner than ever, but my nerves were shot. I vowed to never let my teeth get that bad again, even if it meant flossing every hour on the hour.
Key Message: Floss your teeth daily folks! :)
