Life
Are You Experiencing A ‘Life-Quake?’
Here’s how I am making sense of mine
I recently listened to Bruce Feiler’s TED talk on life transitions. It spoke to me- he said the average person goes through 3–5 ‘life-quakes’ (periods of significant transition) in a lifetime, each taking around 5 years to complete. I believe I have been going through one for the last 7 years…with a couple of ‘mini-quakes’ in between. No wonder I needed a break!
What is my story?
‘Life-quakes’ come in all shapes and sizes- illness, death, loss, heartbreak (apparently there are 52 types of transition). Mine has involved two episodes of heartbreak, moving country three times, prolonged grief, COVID-19 (a life-quake that we all shared), needing surgery, experiencing burnout, quitting my job and being released from a controlling relationship. That’s the distilled version anyway.
What does it all mean?
Bruce Feiler’s work makes sense to me. He has confirmed what we already know through ancient wisdom traditions. Life is filled with change. Nothing lasts. Despite this being a fundamental truth of life, many of us still struggle with our transitions. We continue to subscribe to the flawed idea that nothing is meant to go wrong in life, and then suffer greatly when it does.
Ajahn Brahm, a fantastic Buddhist monk living in Western Australia, has a different take on it. When life goes ‘wrong’, he suggests changing the narrative- to something is going right in your life. Why? Because difficulty, change and loss are meant to happen. We can choose to embrace change, learn and make the best of things.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness
William L. Watkinson
From personal experience, I strongly believe that we are here to learn. Life offers us lessons, and will keep doing so until we open our eyes to what we need to learn.
I also fully agree with Bruce Feiler and Brene Brown on the importance of our stories. Our stories are who we are- we tend to believe our stories. The good news? We can rewrite our stories. Our stories are our greatest strength. They help us process our life transitions and find comfort in the knowledge that we all have our stories, peppered with loss, joy, comfort and fear.
My ‘life-quake’ is what brought me to Medium. I developed an urge to tell my story, derive meaning from it and share it with others. Writing has helped me to understand what the new ‘me’ is looking like.
So what have I learned?
My greatest learning is the essential fact that I must know that I am worthy. Only when I fully believe this, will I receive the love that I deserve. Only when I know this will I be heard and seen for who I truly am. I am worthy of love, belonging and connectedness- that is my mantra.
What happens after a ‘life-quake’?
If we show ourselves kindness, take the time to learn what we need to and rewrite our stories, we become closer to the truth. We slow down. We appreciate what matters. We find joy in the ordinary. We find our peace.
We begin to hear the songs within our souls, and find our voices to belt them out to the Universe.
No Mud, No Lotus
Thich Nhat Hanh
Key message: ‘Life-quakes’ happen. Let’s embrace them and learn from them. Let’s make sense of our stories and share them with the world.
What transitions and ‘life-quakes’ have you been through? What lessons have you learned? What is your story?
