Even in all the blurriness, I find peace…….
There is something where even my silent mind does not haunt me…
Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.
Forrest Gump (character)
This year, 2023 is flying by fast as compared to all the years I have spent. To be honest it seems exciting as I, Inshallaah, will be looking forward to a new year in a few months. In contrast, it sometimes seems dreadful to see years pass by so quickly while I am not able to complete all the resolutions I fixed on the New Year.
Upon entering my teenage years I have become so complex that it has become harder for me to identify the real ‘me’. To be honest, there is no sole purpose of this blog. It is as if I am pouring all my thoughts for the world to read.
I remember being 11, a kiddish girl whom everyone loved who always looked forward to entering her teenage years. But, entering my teenage years was just like a sudden shift from day to night where I did not even realize that it was night already. I laid on my bed, in the gloom and darkness of the night where no one could see me, while my pillow drenched with tears for literally no reason. I sometimes wonder what I cried for.
“Life is short, but it is wide. …
As time passed by, I got out of that, but it seems as if I am entering a newer age. Do teenagers have Volumes? So that concludes that I have entered Volume 2 of teenage.
Anyways this is that time when my mind is enveloped with confusion. I can’t share it with anyone because I have no idea what I am so confused about! A puffy cloud has blurred all my sense of thinking. My brain resists when I try to find the answer. It is as if I am running on a hamster wheel and not reaching any point. I wonder whether I am doing justice to the relationships I have. Sometimes I am engulfed with regret as I think I am too selfish. And sometimes I think that I care too much about people. What?
My younger self would have never understood all this. My mind overwhelms itself with thoughts which are actually too vague to think about. It seems I have become stagnant at one point in my life, yet I am learning new things every day. My emotions have started to get so intense that it sometimes seems overwhelming. A tinge of any sensitive topic is discussed, I fume with anger. And a small joke keeps me hooked up for hours. I sometimes think that overthinking is the cause of all this, but it becomes impossible for me to shut my mind off until and unless I use some kind of therapy.
After all this puzzlement and blurriness, I am not suffering like my 11 year old self did for no reason! I don’t cry on my bed for even any literal reason anymore. I have no wish to end my teenage years. This is that time when I started to learn core valuable lessons and trust me I am still learning. (I am not a wise old judge.) The silly mistakes I often realize that I am maturing, but still my kiddish self has not entirely faded.
Whether or not I know the answers to all the questions my mind asks me, there is one thing I know: time will pass by, whether slowly or fast. If I can’t understand all this, I am not supposed to. A time will come when I will be able to. So if there is one thing I have learnt, it is that don’t try to think about what you can’t change, think about what you can. And that is it; if you are overwhelmed like me too, remember you are not alone. This is just a new experience. A year will pass by and hopefully you will complete Volume 2 of teenage too and become a wiser person…..
If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.
Key Message: To all the teenagers out there, enjoy your life and just ignore all the petty worries that surround you…..
