“I Miss You” Is Not The Same As “I’m Checking Up On You.”
I am sitting on the bed I spent all of last night making a mess of because I could not ease my mind into sleep. With my phone in hand, I stare at the words “I miss you.” I received it as a text from the person I hoped would think of me.
I felt the quivers through my middle. It felt good to have my absence cause ache and longing, but I found myself questioning it.
Maybe it was the tiredness that hung heavy under my eyes and the rumpled mess of bedding that reminded me that I was struggling. I wasn’t okay and hadn’t been for a while. Or maybe it was the heavy stretch of silence before this message. A silence that had stretched on for weeks before it ended up as a buzz on my phone.
It felt like an interruption that did not happen for my sake, and that had no regard for the state of what it was interrupting.
Often enough, we ask ourselves simple questions about the people whom we have built connections with. These questions help us to make sense of the relationships we share and how they matter to us.
It mattered to me that the “I miss you.” text, however honest and well-intentioned did not feel selfish and inconsiderate. It mattered to me that my well-being be regarded before their desire for my presence.
This made a simple phrase famous for its romantic exploits land heavily on my chest. It choked me quietly in a way that made me want to swallow the parts of it I did not like, just so I could breathe.
So I asked myself what would have made me feel differently. What would have felt unselfish and made me feel loved beyond desire?
What words would I have wanted to wake up to?
“Hey, I’m checking up on you.”
It feels warmer and kinder. It makes me want to hold up myself fully and not hide behind external validation.
This is not to say that there’s no space for “I miss you.” But without clear concern for my well-being in this context, it lands empty.
Key Message: “I miss you” centers the feelings of the person sending the message. “I’m checking up on you.” centers the receiver. It is important to evaluate the context in which the former is sent so that it does not ignore the reality of the person receiving it.
Ene Ijato is a storyteller who lives in Nigeria. She enjoys using various creative mediums to tell stories and explore interesting topics.
