I was intolerant, not impatient.
How to ACTUALLY stay positive
There is a lot of content on the internet on how to be positive, but how do you stay positive? Here’s the story of how I found myself getting annoyed less and less.
Patience is such an attractive quality. I’m not for the drama; I’m not for the negativity and because patience gives off positivity, it attracts me so much.
It’s one of those qualities that you don’t truly notice in someone unless there’s a complete opposite around. I noticed this one guy’s patience when he was the only person in the room calm while the others were very upset at some news.
I wanted to be like that. I wanted to be more like that. I was already the kind of person that didn’t get mad easily, but I still had my moments. This was a goal I didn’t take seriously until half a year later, around the height of my self-improvement journey.
But when I did, this is what I realized
When I wouldn’t be the nicest person to people or get moody, it wasn’t because I was lacking patience. It was because I was lacking tolerance, and yes there is a difference (to me.)
Tolerance vs. patience
Tolerance is the amount of nonsense I can take from the world BEFORE it begins to bother me. Patience is what comes after and what slows my (negative) reaction time. 40% tolerance and 60% patience will lead to the same thing as 80% tolerance and 20% patience, but I wanted to be happier for longer, so I really wanted to increase my tolerance.
This is what I did to improve
I forced myself. I forced myself to not let things bother me. When I was in situations with high pressure, I made sure to take a second to calm down, not the breathe in breathe out calm down, but take things in one at a time calm down.
It’s also very important to not drag your negative feelings from one situation into another. It’s not fair to take out your annoyance on someone else. It can be hard sometimes because we’re human and that can excuse it sometimes, but I tried to leave my negative feelings where they came from. This also touches on the topic of resilience, which is what I call the in-between.
Resilience is what lets us bounce back from adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or in the most common case, stress. It means returning to normal after a difficult situation. (source) It can be difficult, and you don’t want to go as far as hiding your feelings, but whenever that leftover anger isn’t necessary, let it go and move on to the next thing.
STAYING positive
- When you feel like a lot is going on around you, take a step back and tell yourself to do things one at a time.
- Leave your feelings where they came from. Don’t drag them into situations that take place afterward.
And slowly I found myself being annoyed less and less
These tips will be especially beneficial to those who spend a lot of time in populated places, like an office or school. They have nothing to do with the typical ‘positive self-talk,' ‘humor,' and ‘gratitude.' Instead, they tackle the negative feelings that we will eventually feel because of all the people around us and all the duties we have to carry out.
A bonus tip when it comes to dealing with people is to balance your interactions. Mix people time alone time. When I started doing that, even with people that I cared about a lot, I noticed my happiness shining through like never before.
Key Message: Tips to not get mad or annoyed easily and continuously be positive.
