My Dead Best Friend
I’m known to talk a lot, is that okay? Hannah used to hate this job, well, not this job specifically because this one is mine but we had the same — Anyway, she would spend our lunch breaks moaning about all the ridiculous complaints we’d get on the phone. We work, sorry, worked in a call centre. Actually, I still do. It pays well but it all feels so empty, you know, like they could replace us with a machine at any time and it wouldn’t matter. No one would care. I’m pretty sure they do do that. And not just those initial automated response things either, “Press one if you’re calling about your phone”, it’s the whole thing. Hannah saw that a long long time ago. So why am I still here?
‘And do you need any help with anything else today, sir…? Alright, on behalf of [REDACTED] I hope the rest of your day goes well. Goodbye.’
You’re not allowed to see who I work for, breaks a confidentiality something or other but you know what’s sad? You don’t even need to, you’ve all had those exact calls. That’s how repetitive this life is. Hannah made little recordings of herself, something she definitely shouldn’t have done, and used them to end the calls for her. And though she shouldn’t have done it, the beauty of it was that no one could tell the difference. I swear the only thing stopping all our jobs from going to an answer machine is that they can’t yet program in every possible response. That, and the fact they can’t understand Scottish accents.
The funniest thing that Hannah ever did was when we were both working, well, I was working and Hannah was doing this, was where she called in and managed to get referred through to me. Did not know it was her at all. I was sitting at my desk, mine’s the one covered in all the clutter over there, completely oblivious, when I get a woman on the other end with the thickest Geordie accent I’ve ever heard, even to this day.
I deal a lot with upgrades to packages but only for people’s phone contracts, never the broadband. So, she comes on the other end, and I should have heard her from down the office really, trying to say that the automated service couldn’t understand her and that she’d voice controlled her phone to order her a pizza and it had brought her to this, to me. The whole time I’m there trying to steer the topic onto phone upgrades, because that’s what I do, and she’s giving me a pizza order that I can’t understand anyway.
She says, “Aren’t you Customer Service?” I say yes and she goes, “Well, I’m a customer and I need servicing.” It was only after that when I heard her laughing.
She used to sit in the cubicle over there. They’ve kept it exactly how she left it, which I think is nice. I wonder how long they’ll keep it like that for… Anyway, after I heard it was her that called me, we had a giggle. When it was time to go home, and she was always the first out the door looking back at me and telling me to get a move on, she brought up her little prank. Everything could be a teaching moment with Hannah, weirdly enough. Never went to university though, was always something she said she wanted to do but never got around to doing, you know. She tells me that that’s why they haven’t replaced us with machines yet, because otherwise they’d be accepting pizza orders.
When did I meet Hannah? First day I started here. She was already a seasoned veteran by then, and I walked through, all sheepish. Then she saw me, had a confused look on her face like, “I’ve not seen you before” which is then followed by a look I’ve only ever seen on Hannah and little Yorkshire terriers. This wide-eyed, eyes bulging out your head look that is saying, “I’m going to meet you and we’re going to be friends.” She was oddly cynical but also had moments like that, it was weird. But it was wonderful.
It’s been, uh, two months, two weeks and five days today since she… since, uh, since it happened. Everyone kept asking me if I was okay for the first week or so. I was like, “I’m not her mum. We weren’t together or something.” But now, to be completely honest, I miss those questions. I don’t really get to talk about Hannah much, people aren’t interested. Guess the novelty’s worn off. Everyone knew we spent all our time together, like sisters that neither of us had had. Or those high school friendships where you say you’ll never stop talking but time ends up drifting you apart. Have you ever had that? Someone who you immediately connected with and the conversation flows like you’ve known each other for years, to the point where it alienates everyone else? People would always joke, saying they were third-wheeling with us. Thinking back, I’m not sure how much Hannah laughed at that.
It’s about time to head home, I think. No, Hannah and I didn’t live together, though we spent enough of our time at each other’s places that it would have saved a lot of money if we had. And maybe someone would have been there… at the end. Yeah, it was me that found her. Ha! Who else was it going to be?
We’d talked about that kind of thing before. I’d been open about my problems and she’d been open about hers. Doesn’t help when you feel so utterly powerless to change your life. I told her to apply to university, she wanted to go into psychology. Loved to hear about other people’s minds worked, like everyone was a puzzle just waiting to be solved. I’m surprised she wasn’t bored by me, really. I think I told her everything there is to know about me.
Me? No, I’m fine. I think. I have a plan, you see. I’ve been saving up my pay each month, which only gives me something like a hundred quid spare, but after working here for a few years it’s built up. A few more and I can do something else. Probably study something, I know that much but I don’t know what. Or I could wait around here to be replaced!
I don’t hate my job, I don’t want people to think that about me. But I’m not happy, if that makes sense. It’d probably make sense for Hannah. Did you know that she went to see a doctor? Yep. Put on a waiting list. I mean, that’s the way, isn’t it? Funding’s been cut and now everyone waits. Only way you get fast-tracked is if you’re suicidal, and even then they ask you “Have you attempted to kill yourself?”
I don’t know this from my experience, I heard this from Hannah, that’s what she was asked. “No,” she’d said, and that was that. Back on the list. Was only a few weeks after then that she tried. Only takes once. If you’re lucky, if your friends and family are lucky, that first time fails and we get to do something. I mean, I help people for a living, I know it’s not like a doctor but I get calls every day and I have to work so that people come away satisfied. That little bit of stress in their life is gone.
I’d talk to Hannah for hours about what could be done, and occasionally she’d do what we said. You always ask yourself what else you could have done. Maybe I should have referred her to my manager, ha! Hannah would have laughed at that.
‘Hannah can’t come to the phone right now because she’s too busy being a complete winner at life. You can either leave a message or you can start winning too.’
