When to care and when not to give a fuck

I have insanely high standards and expectations of myself. That’s not my ego talking, it’s my deepest anxieties talking. I’ve come to realise caring too much can be a real problem.

Let me explain.

You see, I set such high standards for myself that I often underperform as a result. There’s an expectation gap that shows up in all areas of my life.

Before I give a talk, get up in front of an audience, play sport, or enter any competition, I experience severe performance anxiety. Not through the expectations of others, but through my own, I strive for sublime perfection and naturally come up short. At least in my own mind. And not because I don’t have the talent. I always have complete faith that I do, but I place so much pressure on my own performance that it shuts down my true potential.

Ultimately this all boils down to a harsh reality: I care too much about what others think of me. It’s imposter syndrome and it’s infiltrating numerous areas of my life.

You know who I’m envious of? Those people who just don’t seem to give a fuck.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that they don’t care about anything. They care about lots of things — the big, important things — but they don’t give a fuck about everything else. They’ve got an annoyingly flippant attitude. They’re completely and utterly detached from the outcome. They let the light of their personality fully shine through, not giving a fuck whether they offend others or if things don’t go according to plan. They just live in the present moment, free of expectation from themselves or others.

Sure, they care, but they care about what matters. They care about love and connection with those that matter most to them. They care about intent. They care about their family and friends. They care about their peers and and their team. They treat all people equally and with respect. But do they care what those people think of them? No, they just don’t give a fuck.

Caring too much can be as insidious a disease as not caring enough. Because caring too much is riddled with unrealistic expectations at both ends. Expectations that are never fully met creates heartache for everyone involved. Especially when they’re set to an unrealistic standard.

I’m learning to focus on what matters and not to sweat the small stuff.

Care about the human beings around you. Love and cherish them. But if you’re worried about what they think of you, or how you behave, or what you have to say, or the decisions that you make — then I say, just don’t give a fuck.