The Distance Between Us: Confronting the Gap Between Family Expectations and Reality

Open doors, empty driveways.

Confronting the gap

It’s strange to realize as an adult that your family might not care about you as much as you think they do. On a quiet evening, I sit with this thought, looking out the window of the home I’ve built 3½ hours away from where I grew up. The distance feels both geographical and emotional today.

Five years ago, we moved to a new state, bought a house, planted roots, and created a life. Somewhere in my mind, I harbored the expectation that my family (siblings, mom, even extended relatives) would naturally want to be part of this new chapter… that they would find reasons to visit and see this life I’ve built.

But when I mentally tally the visits, the reality is sobering.

I can count on one hand the number of times any of my siblings have made the 3½ hour drive “just because.” My wife’s siblings? The same. There have been fun parties where invitations were sent and people showed up. But those spontaneous “I was thinking about you and wanted to see you” visits…

Nearly non-existent.

And let me be clear… I’m not innocent, either. I try to see people when I travel to my hometown for work. I visit my mom and I connect with my siblings when I…